Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

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Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

0
It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A...
organ donors

Everybody who needs new kidney to get one as fair weather motorcyclists venture outside

0
The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their...

Only 6 sleeps until poppy day, fascist children told

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The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said,...
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

0
We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The...
Ramones

Onlookers stunned as man in Ramones t-shirt successfully names two band members

123
The patrons and entire staff team at The Reed public house were in shock yesterday, after a man wearing a culturally iconic but no...

Nuclear holocaust averted as Southern Rail selected to deliver US missile attack

3
A spokesman for Southern Rail confirmed to the Rochdale Herald that in view of the anticipated two day delay the four minute warning given in advance of nuclear attacks would consequently be extended to 2,880 minutes.
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

0
Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains...

Just £3 a month will pay for cocaine and child prostitutes for an Oxfam...

0
A new fundraising campaign from Oxfam appealing to the better nature of child abusers is asking for just £3 a month to pay for...

No arrests made as gang of white people chase group of black men through...

0
Reports are coming in of a civil disturbance in London which has seen a mob of almost 40,000 white people chase a small group...
Michael Gove

Plan to put Michael Gove in Wicker Man on Saddleworth Moor receives cross party...

0
It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could...
Factory Fire

Explosion in Burnley pie factory causes £3.14159265359 of damage

0
Since the early 1970s, the Trivial Piesuits factory has been a welcome source of employment, nourishment, and scent for Burnley residents. The squat factory unit,...
Ryanair

Ryanair to charge depressed passengers for emotional baggage

75
Ryanair have today announced that they will start charging depressed passengers for bringing emotional baggage with them onto their flights. The budget airline has said...

Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria

6
Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.
hummus

Northern supermarket to trial hummus

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News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that...
Mo Farah

QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD

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According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A...

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