ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts
So called 'Islamic State' have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.
A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
Piers Morgan killed in chip pan fire
In breaking news Piers Morgan has burned to death in a devasting chip pan fire in a static caravan at Hollingsworth Lake Caravan Park
World in shock after professional boxer wins boxing match against amateur boxer
The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a...
College Professor assaults Trump supporter
A college professor in the US has come under fire from leading figures in the Republican Party after he allegedly assaulted a number of...
It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees
Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people.
Employee Bill Board told...
Prince Philip deemed fit to work after ATOS work capability assessment
Prince Philip has today gone under the knife for surgery on his dodgy hip.
However 30 minutes later he was deemed fit to work in an...
You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told
Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night.
Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group...
Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...
The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President...
Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person
Theresa May met children's entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person.
Ostensibly the meeting was to...
VICTORY! I am a racist, not a druggie says Hopkins
Katie Hopkins is celebrating her racist and drug-free status tonight, it has been confirmed.
Hopkins, 67, made a complaint to the Independent Press Standards Organisation...
University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots
Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet.
A lower-level investigation...
Workman spotted doing some work on the £15BN M62 Roadworks
The bloke who is doing all the work on the £15BN M62 road improvement scheme has been spotted on site for the first time...
Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President
Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment.
Whilst his Presidency...
Trading Standards to prosecute Gastro Pub for using plates
A new gastro pub, The Pissed Idiot, in Rochdale is under investigation by trading standards after allegedly serving food on actual plates rather than...
Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves
Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".
Probably not as many paedophiles on New Year’s honours list as usual, say Buckingham...
Buckingham Palace has confirmed today that there was probably an unusually small number of paedophiles on this year's New Year's Honours list.
"It's been a...
