Inner city youths escape prison for dogfighting by wearing red jackets and calling people...

0
Inner-city police are warning of the rise of a brutal new "sport" among the working classes, a savage, twisted parody of the fine ancient...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

0
It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A...
Gaza

Israel celebrates Eurovision win by bombing Gaza strip

Israel has celebrated winning the Eurovision song contest with a massive aerial bombardment of the Gaza Strip and shooting dead some Palestinian civilians. Nine Palestinian...

Owning an IKEA loyalty card doesn’t count as Swedish heritage, disappointed Scots told

0
Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes...
George Michael

George Michael declined 33rd heart transplant after ‘giving them away’

0
The 80's pop sensation 90's cop bothering loiterer and naughties stoner George Michael has been refused the vital surgery by the NHS. Chief Cardiovascular Surgeon...
Cyclist

Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children’s toys denies mid-life crisis

0
A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

3
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

0
Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Theresa May

Deselecting MPs implicated in electoral fraud before election “Hadn’t occurred to me” claims PM

0
The Prime Minister claims the possible loss of up to twenty MPs from a working majority of seventeen in the run-up to Brexit is...

Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...

0
A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a...
Alanis Morisette

Alanis Morisette to rename 1996 hit Inconvenient after learning what Ironic means

58
Canadian rock songstress Alanis Morisette has re-written her 1996 classic single "Ironic" after finally meeting a British person who filled her in on the meaning of the word irony.
Alan Rickman

Man falls to death after Christmas party gets out of hand

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A German national has plummeted to his death after a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles got a little bit out...

Rochdale man jailed for putting milk in tea before taking out teabag

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A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was...
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

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Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early...
Old Graduate

University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots

83
Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet. A lower-level investigation...

A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

19
A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan...

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