Jeremy Corbyn

Corbyn stuns Glastonbury with acapella cover of Prodigy’s Firestarter on Pyramid Stage

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Jeremy Corbyn left the bustling fields of Glastonbury in stunned silence this afternoon after performing an accapella ballad of the renowned Prodigy song 'Firestarter'. Corbyn...

Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

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A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...

Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

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The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...
Coronavirus

Government appoints Franz Kafka as new Head of Test and Trace service

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Following reports that some people around the UK have been able to get a Coronavirus test the government has appointed the Bohemian novelist Franz...

RAF successfully destroy evidence of UK chemicals exports

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Targeted strikes destroy invoices, with only minor collateral damage to Syrian accountants. RAF Bomber Command confirmed the series of raids sanctioned by the May government...
Burkina

Outrage as women flout Burkini ban on Rochdale beach

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Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members...

British expats outraged as boat full of migrants wash up on their Spanish beach

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Beachgoers were surprised by the sight of dozens of migrants scrambling out of the surf today at the Playa de los Alemanes resort in...
Doctor Who

Calls for end to austerity as BBC reveal they can only afford female to...

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Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing...
Farm Animals

Animals vote that MPs can’t feel pain or emotion

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Following rejection by Parliament of the EU treaty to recognise animals as sentient beings, The Rochdale Herald has learned of a reaction by the...
FBI

There was nothing to tip us off about that bloke who bought 33 guns...

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The FBI have reiterated that there were absolutely no clues that a bloke who bought thirty three semi-automatic rifles in one year might have...
Fission Chips

Kim Jong Un opens Pyonyang’s first fish and chip shop ‘Fission Chips’ to critical...

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The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named...

UK’s youngest Brexit voter has died aged seventy three

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We met in a small cafe in Westminster. A reporter for the Rochdale Herald and Britain's youngest Brexit supporter. Shining another glass to make...

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

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Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...

Sex scandal latest – vicar says he was touched by God

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In a startling new development in the ongoing revelations of sexual impropriety, Father Peter O'Fiall of St. Thomas the Dubious Roman Catholic Church in...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

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POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained...

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