Northerner brings Kraft Slices to cheese and wine party in Surrey
A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening...
Northern woman puts heating on
A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October.
Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund
In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in...
Government appoints Franz Kafka as new Head of Test and Trace service
Following reports that some people around the UK have been able to get a Coronavirus test the government has appointed the Bohemian novelist Franz...
Civilised countries don’t gas civilians, they shoot them with AR-15s bought over counter at...
The US has told a UN Security Council meeting that the recent chemical attack on Syria is completely unacceptable.
Responding to reports of an incident...
British man who can speak French to be burned as a witch
According to reports the British man who has learnt to speak a foreign language fluently is to be burnt at the stake on Tuesday.
Lord...
Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises
A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams.
"It's not just...
Wayne Rooney to be donated to Beijing zoo footballer breeding program
Manchester United have announced that they are donating the footballer Wayne Rooney to Beijing zoo.
The footballer who has been increasingly marginalised this season will...
Your Mum has a dildo
Children all over the country are coming to terms with the horrifying reality that their Mums have at least one dildo.
Yulia Skripal leaves Zizzi’s Salisbury 1 star TripAdvisor review
Yulia Skripal has left her first TripAdvisor review since being poisoned last month.
Ms Skripal said, "I was in the country visiting my father in...
Just £3 a month will pay for cocaine and child prostitutes for an Oxfam...
A new fundraising campaign from Oxfam appealing to the better nature of child abusers is asking for just £3 a month to pay for...
London’s last affordable plumber shot by poachers
London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable...
You had some very fine people on both sides, Trump tells D-Day veterans
Donald Trump has told D-Day veterans that there were very fine people on both sides of the battles to control the Normandy Beaches during...
It’s the will of the people – Jaguar Land Rover tells redundant employees
Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people.
Employee Bill Board told...
Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts
Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The...
Dead burglar to get state funeral
A Rochdale burglar who was killed whilst at work will receive a state funeral.
Councillor Tom Walsh said, "This man wasn't any old burgular. He...
