Scientists around the World have finally conceded that the Earth is most probably not a completely flat disc after all.

Research conducted at the University of Oxford has proven conclusively that a cat on a table will inevitably push anything on it off the edge and onto the floor.

“The only obvious conclusion that we have been able to come to is that the Earth must be ball shaped, or cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now.” Professor Steven Horkin told The Rochdale Herald.

“That’s how research works. There’s loads of cats and they’ve been around for ages and ages. Easily long enough to push everything off the edge and into space like the little bastards would do given half the chance.”

“Conventional wisdom would have us believe that the Earth is a big disc being carried on the back of four gigantic elephants on the back of a giant turtle swimming for eternity through the cosmos.”

“But it turns out that if that were the case, and we had cats, which we do, everything on it would have been knocked off it by now.”

Checkmate Flat-tards.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.