Chris Grayling has announced that the Royal Air Force will be disbanded and its responsibilities outsourced to the Russian Air Force.

Speaking from Ivan the Terrible Air Force Base in Lincolnshire Grayling said, “The Royal Air Force simply wasn’t providing the service the public deserves. It was extremely costly to keep developing new air craft for it and the members never did anything more that zip around Wales killing sheep. The Russian Air Force has already saved a fortune bringing their own air craft over here. There’s loads of them as well. Many more than we could ever have trained ourselves.”

Mr Grayling went on, “They’re saving a fortune in uniform as well. We don’t even need to rebrand everything as the Russian Air Force is still RAF. And these Russian chaps are open the new modern methods.  Instead of hiding away in bases many of them are already driving and walking around local towns. One squadron has even set anti-aircraft batteries up in Suffolk.”

Mr Grayling did confirm that some changes would be seen. “The names of many RAF bases will change as part of the deal. For instance, recruits will now be trained at the Zhukov center and the Battle of Britain Memorial Flight will now be known as the Marshall Tukhachevsky Memorial Flight. Also, we’re replacing the Eurofighter with a new Sukhoi Putin-45.”