First man to read entire Maastricht Treaty declares it “A Bugger’s Muddle”

A British diplomat who began reading the Maastricht Treaty on the 6th February 1992 "just in case" finished the entire manuscript on Sunday Evening.

Surprise and anger as Boris slips down the ‘worst diplomat ever chart’

There was consternation in Whitehall this morning as details emerged of several international diplomats who may in fact be much, much worse than Boris Johnson at diplomacy. The Mexicans and the Saudis are currently fighting...
Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd launches Hate Thy Neighbour initiative

Amber Rudd announced plans today to crack down on the current outbreak of human compassion sweeping the country. Compassion has been on the rise recently after a series of disasters have brought communities together to...
Trump

Boy Scouts of America deny meeting Donald Trump

The Boy Scouts of America have issued a statement denying meeting Donald Trump. “It never happened. It's fake news folks.” The statement begins. “Only a sick, sick person would believe that we would ask a man...

Theresa May Selective In Button Pressing

Prime Minister Theresa May briefly excited Brexiters yesterday when she announced she would definitely push the button. As cheers rang out across the nation it slowly dawned on Europhobes that she was actually referring to...
Cherie Blair

Tony Blair’s legacy like that of a modern day Churchill, confirms Justice Cherie Booth

Justice Cherie Booth has ruled in a landmark case that the former Prime Minister cannot be prosecuted over the Iraq War. Former Iraqi General Abdul Wahed Shanna al Rabbat’s unsuccessful attempt to bring a private...

Election Was Rigged Claims Trump – Recount Demanded

Donald Trump has sensationally claimed that the 2016 US Presidential Election was rigged and he is demanding a recount.

Car bombs not as bad as nicking stationery insists Martin ‘I’m a politician’ McGuiness

Former number three in the Irish presidential election Seamus Martin Pointa McGuinness has resigned from his position as Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland. The resignation comes after the DUP repeatedly took more than their...
Liam Fox

Saudia Arabia to pick next UK defence secretary

Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and they are finalising their short list to choose the next...

May to offer Britain complete break from Boris Johnson

In a last ditch attempt to win the X Factor vote tonight,the PM today took the unusual but popular step to separate Boris Johnson from Britain. On some politics show she told some BBC presenter...

Harry Potter thinks Corbo is “Absolutely Wizard!”

Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days after she publicly denigrated the plaid and corduroy socialist. "Obviously I...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson feared dead?

Rumours are rife today that the comical floppy haired Brexit buffoon Boris Johnson may have popped his clogs. It's been weeks now since he has been seen either knocking a defenceless child to the floor,...
Daleks

Daleks to replace ‘exterminate’ slogan with ‘strong and stable’ for 2049 re-election bid.

?Speaking from a neutral zone hyperdock, leader of the New Dalek Empire Theres- Sorry, Dalek Sec, said today that the bid for re-election in 2049 will be spear-headed by a new slogan, one more...
Hippies Hippy

Nobody arsed about Green Party Manifesto leak

Last night a draft of Labour's election manifesto was leaked leading to pro Brexit outrage paper, The Daily Mail, drawing comparisons between Labour's proposed policies and 1970's. Daily Mail reader, John Smiff, said; "That terrorist Corbyn wants power...
Blue Passport

A blue passport is an integral part of being British, says bloke who’s never...

The great victory that is Brexit has delivered old-style blue passport covers to the grateful people. Rejoicing Brits across the country have been applying in droves. The new passport promises to take Britons back...
eraser

Liberal Metropolitan Elite plan to rig election goes awry when Hermes deliver rubbers to...

The Liberal Metropolitan Elite was reeling last night when a delivery of 2 million rubbers was delivered to the wrong address. The Elite were allegedly planning to fix the upcoming UK General Election by inserting agents in...

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