ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts

So called 'Islamic State'  have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts. A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after witnessing a man have a melt down with a vending...
Raining Money

FIFA launch investigation into DUP backhander scandal

The Federation of International Football Associations (FIFA), have announced their intention to pursue a full investigation into alleged corruption in British politics, following the recent announcement of a £1bn deal between the Conservatives and...

David Duke retracts Trump endorsement saying no room for “locker room banter” in politics

In sensational news today David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, has withdrawn his support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.
Theresa May Converse

Theresa May won’t let Brit Gas 12.5% price hike ruin her hiking holiday

What could be scarier than millions of ageing Brexit backers being hit with a massive energy bill increase right when May's taking enough heat trying to turn her policy fantasies into reality? And especially when she's previously mentioned an energy price cap but now doesn't really want to talk about it again in case she has to do something.
Westminster

Power hungry arseholes also pervy fuckers shocker

The United Kingdom is in shock this week after an all-party think tank found that power hungry arseholes of all political persuasions are also pervy fuckers. A slew of allegations of sexual misconduct hit both...

World shits itself after Putin spotted smiling

Political commentators in Moscow are all-a-chatter today over the unprecedented gossip that Vladimir Putin has been observed smirking slightly.  The current record was set in 2006 when he was seen briefly sporting a wry smile...

Warnings issued magic mushroom Brexit brexitius causes hallucinations of £350M week for NHS

Health officials in the United Kingdom issued warnings today regarding the consumption of a new species of magic mushroom called ‘Brexit brexitius’ as consumers experience hallucinations of £350M a week going to the NHS. The...

David Cameron having pigs in blankets for Christmas

A close friend of the Camerons', who wishes to remain anonymous, has said that the former PM 'is looking forward to his Christmas day treat'. One of our undercover reporters went to David Cameron's favourite...
Rees Mogg

Argument for abortion makes argument against abortion

Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under any circumstances. "I'm catholic, and according to my beliefs abortion is...

Great repeal bill to herald the return of Spangles

The government's planned "Great Repeal Bill" to change 44 years worth of EU legislation into British law is slated to help turn the clock back to a golden age of British life. Aside from the...

Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED

The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...

“I did not have fap relations with my work computer” says Damien Green

The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work. The claims have been made by an ex...

Donald Trump Jr upset by chants of ‘lock him up’ from Donald Trump Snr

Donald Trump Jr has allegedly complained that President Trump keeps chanting 'lock him up' at him. Trump Junior made a complaint to a White House staffer following a meeting during which President Trump spent a...
Brexiter

Means Testing Means Means Testing Means say Meanies

Winter heating supplements for elderly people on low incomes are to become means tested, if the so-called Mean Party's manifesto promise is carried out.  In a measure designed to support the country's ailing economy, this has...
For Sale Signs

London in crisis as Brexit threatens to make house prices affordable

One of the many mysteries wrapped up inside the "Brexit means Brexit" enigma has been revealed. To the overwhelming delight of the capital's aspirational first-time buyers, there has never been a better time to...
Donald Trump

Our concentration camps are safer than our schools, Trump assures Democrats

Donald Trump has taken to Twitter today to assure Democrats in the United States Congress that the filthy concentration camps into which he's herding the children of migrants are much safer places...

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