Michael Gove

Michael Gove is handsome and intelligent according to new YouGove poll.

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A new poll by Britain's newest survey company has revealed that Michael Gove is both handsome and intelligent. The new company, YouGove, polls members of...

Theresa May Selective In Button Pressing

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Prime Minister Theresa May briefly excited Brexiters yesterday when she announced she would definitely push the button. As cheers rang out across the nation it...

Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod

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In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party...

Jeremy Corbyn rules out coalition with Labour MPs

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Jeremy Corbyn took the bold move today to rule out a coalition with SNP, The Greens, The Liberal Democrats and any of the politicians in The Labour Party. Talking to...

Boris catches coronavirus despite consistently washing hands of all responsibility

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Finally, after what feels like years of writing about this car crash of a government you NHS applauding, social distance ignoring flag shaggers voted...
German Police Train Station

British tourist arrested in Frankfurt after tunnelling out of passport control and trying to...

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A British tourist was detained by police in Frankfurt today after being arrested at Frankfurt train station. The tourist is understood to have been queueing...

Millenials believe Stalin killed more people than Blair

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A recent survey of little shits proved that they know absolutely nothing about history, even though you can't prize Google from their tiny ungrateful...
Inflation

Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor

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Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.

Argentina offers to invade Falklands Islands for £1B if that will help May?

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A man claiming to represent Argentina has allegedly phoned the British prime minister and said for £1 billion they will pretend to invade the...

Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band

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Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
Angry

Rochdale man who’s never voted pledges to ‘bring down Torie scum’ by voting Green

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Gareth Thundlestick from Scumsunk crescent, Rochdale, said he became politically active after ruining the suspension on his 1986 Ford Capri whilst negotiating a pothole too fast. "That...
Pensioners

52% support euthanasia bill

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The Government has been urged to hold a referendum on euthanasia following research that showed that 52% of voters would support the introduction of...

MP’s take well deserved autumn break after sorting out all UK’s problems

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Westminster is demob happy today as hundreds of MPs pack their bags and await their family’s driver to come and collect them for half...

UKIP policy committee accidentally executes itself

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UKIP's national policy committee has accidentally hanged itself following the launch of its new policy demanding that under aged girls from "risk groups" be...

OJ Simpson appointed White House press secretary

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Tongues are wagging in Washington today over what seems too convenient for coincidence as OJ Simpson is rumoured about to be appointed as Sean...

Brexiteers Celebrate Scrapping of Human Rights Act

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Today The Justice Secretary announced the scrapping of The Human Rights Act as outlined in the Tory Manifesto to a room full of Sith...

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