Rochdale Herald boycotts future White House coverage

In a shock announcement, the Founding Editor of this esteemed organ has declared it will be withdrawing from future coverage of the current White House administration. Quentin D. Fortesqueue explained, "The purpose of the Rochdale Herald is...

Watson Denies Corbyn Car Crash Rumours

Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Tom Watson, has denied rumours that recent focus groups conducted by the party to determine popularity of alternative leaders involved simulated car accidents in which Jeremy Corbyn was involved in hit and run incidents.
Jeremy Corbyn

Young people should not be ignored says old man ignoring young people

Jeremy Corbyn sought to reconnect with young people today over Brexit by sacking the last of the Remainers in the Shadow Cabinet for suggesting that we might want to stay in the European Union. Speaking at...
Theresa May

Theresa May shocked and disappointed by contents of freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box

Theresa May is said to be both shocked and disappointed this afternoon by the contents of the freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box. The box, made of walnut wood and inlaid with mother of pearl in...

Batman and Robin demand exemption from UKIP Burqa ban

International fictional crime fighting duo Batman and Robin Tuesday issued a writ demanding exemption from UKIP's planned blanket ban on burqas which the party also plans to apply to all full face coverings worn...

Only alternative to catastrophic Tory Brexit is catastrophic Labour Brexit says Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn has sought to reassure Labour Party members fearful of a catastrophic Tory Brexit that a Labour Brexit will be just as hard and catastrophic. Speaking to the press Corbyn said, "It'll be great....

Trump claims Blacks, Latinos and Women are rigging the election by voting

America braces itself tonight after it was revealed that not just White rednecks are eligible to vote.
Trump

Trump restores American faith in Bush

Donald Trump has today been credited with restoring America's faith in Bush. Dwayne Dwight of Alabama told the Herald "I was big into Bush in the 80's. I couldn't get enough. Then in the 90's I...

Universities to charge £4K a year for fruit picking courses to prepare students for...

In proposals aimed to meet the agricultural sector’s labour needs post Brexit universities will be allowed to charge up to £4K a year for courses in fruit picking. The exciting change to higher education is...

Government approves £118M fire safety upgrade, including sprinklers, for the Houses of Parliament

Britain's greatest female Prime Minister, announced in a key note speech, that her Government has learned the lessons of Grenfell.  £118 million has been committed to urgently address fire safety issues. "Since we took back...
Michael Gove

Gove is still bonkers, say experts

Michael Gove decided to stand up for those whose lack of self awareness is pathological today.
Guess Who

UKIP select new leader using Guess Who

UKIP have announced their new leader having given the process over to the childrens game, Guess Who. UKIP member Cliff Edge said, "With dwindling membership our finances are in deficit. It's really expensive to keep...
corbyn

Brexit means Brexit, obviously, says Jeremy Corbyn

'Brexit means Brexit and we're going to make a success of it', Jeremy Corbyn will say this afternoon. He will speak from the top of a shoebox in Speaker's corner to an audience of dozens...
Theresa May

No Government is Better than a Bad Government, says May

Theresa May made the announcement after exit polls suggest that no single party will be able to form a government. "Let me be very clear on this," she said, repeatedly. "Anarchy is preferable to...
Theresa May

Whitehaven and Cumbria to Leave UK Launch of Cumbria Independence Party CUMFUK

Emboldened by her landslide victory in the Copeland By-Election, new MP Trudy Harrison has announced that she is leaving the Conservative Party to campaign for "a newer, independent Cumbria away from the UK". The new...
Pork Scratchings

Relief as far-right mob turns out to be burst bag of pork scratchings

Police have attended an incident in Rochdale today after numerous concerned calls reported a far-right mob assembled in the town centre. Attending officers would like to reassure the public that rigorous testing has found the...

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