Brown bear in woods

Smith Reveals Bears have secret plan.

In a speech today Labour leadership candidate Owen Smith has revealed that bears have secret plans to defecate in the woods. In a hustings earlier he said "Under the Conservative government, the instances of bears...

Gun sales rise 300% ahead of Trump Inauguration

American gun sales have enjoyed a steep rise in the days leading up to the President elect's inauguration. "It's almost 200% more than when Bush Jnr got elected" beamed Chuck Cartridge, head of the NRA. In...
Boris Johnson

What’s the fuss, I loved playing sardines with nanny

Boris Johnson has met Jeremy Corbyn's attack on the Conservative's record on education today with incredulity.

Crackdown on Russian fake pro-Brexit social media profiles leaves only 200 Nigel Farage accounts...

A crackdown today on Russian fake pro-Brexit social media profiles by Facebook and other social media platforms has left only 200 Nigel Farage accounts open. The unprecedented move was a result of the discovery that...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg frustrated by number of GDPR messenger pigeons arriving at his dovecot

Conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg is said to have been left "apoplectic" earlier today after receiving several hundred carrier pigeon messages informing him of the impending changes to data protection legislation. The MP for North East...

Three Tenors worth only £17.93 after Brexit

Outraged music lovers everywhere have been devastated by the news that Brexit will cause the Three Tenors to be devalued to £17.93. Observers have noted that the fall in value of the Pound has coincided...
Theresa May

Theresa May confirms Brisrael means Brisrael

Theresa May today confirmed that "Brisrael means Brisrael" when asked about the Israeli Embassy's interventions to promote or destroy the careers of British MPs. "Look, it's fairly straightforward," said Mrs May. "I would have thought...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Leamington to become post Brexit English capital

The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime minister Theresa May have suggested. The sources confirmed that the government,...

Remoaners trounce nimbys in self-interest cock off

Earlier this year the Gazillionaire Tory, Zac Goldsmith, resigned from his post as MP for Richmond Park in order to cost taxpayers a shitload of money for a by-election. “I am resigning as a Conservative...

Ken Livingstone backs down over Nazi Zionism claims

Ken Livingstone has backed down over his claims that Hitler and the Nazis once supported the cause of Zionism- the aim of establishing and maintaining a Jewish homeland in the Palestinian territories. "I am no...

Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers

Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own. Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a great guy. I'll miss seeing him on Saturday Night Live....
Plate of Mince

Nadine Dorries replaced as MP for Mid Bedfordshire with nice plate of warm mince

Following her bizarre statement in which she decried the Brexit deal as leaving the U.K. with no MEPs and no representation on the EU Parliament, Mid Bedfordshire acted quicker than a dodgy sausage at...

Surprise and anger as Boris slips down the ‘worst diplomat ever chart’

There was consternation in Whitehall this morning as details emerged of several international diplomats who may in fact be much, much worse than Boris Johnson at diplomacy. The Mexicans and the Saudis are currently fighting...

Harry Potter thinks Corbo is “Absolutely Wizard!”

Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days after she publicly denigrated the plaid and corduroy socialist. "Obviously I...

Breaching FCO protocol isn’t just Priti bad, Israeli bad

From sitting Priti to up shit creek without a Patel Former Secretary of State for International Development Priti Patel held undisclosed meetings in Israel accompanied by an influential Conservative Party pro-Israel lobbyist without letting the...

Mugwump? That hoofwanking spangletwat needs to stop spafftrumpeting says Corbyn

Earlier this morning Boris Johnson MP called Jeremy Corbyn a 'Mutton-headed Mugwump'. Full time buffoon and part time Foreign Secretary is known for his creative language certainly caused a stir, as hundreds of thousands of bemused people...

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