Tories “Limited and specific” law breaking given thumbs up by criminals

As the UK government is apparently comfortable breaking international law over plans to unilaterally overwrite part of the Brexit withdrawal agreement, The Rochdale Herald has learned that a number of career criminals are equally...

Liberal Metropolitan Elite plan to rig election goes awry when Hermes deliver rubbers to...

The Liberal Metropolitan Elite was reeling last night when a delivery of 2 million rubbers was delivered to the wrong address. The Elite were allegedly planning to fix the upcoming UK General Election by inserting agents in...

Breaking News: Hundreds of MP’s feared dead in Catastrophic Westminster fire

This could be the headline if the Houses of Parliament aren't upgraded. A one off special of the show 'Homes Under The Hammer' will be broadcast next week on the BBC, in which international investor...
Leopard print shoes

Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes

Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's taste in footwear. The cult singer/ guitarist was reported to have...

Violent EDL member embarrassed to be snapped with right wing racist thug

Andy Edge, a former Stockport English Defence League leader convicted of violent disorder at a 2014 protest, was pictured giving the thumbs up with UKIP's NHS hating, vile hate preacher, Paul Nuttall. In a statement, an...

Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery

There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled. The news comes after many months of negotiations between Downing Street and Marston's Brewery collapsed...

Nobody could have done better than Corbyn, says Nobody

Nobody, who is the shadow secretary of state for Northern Ireland, claimed today that, had he been Labour leader, Labour could have won the election. He then backtracked and said that Corbyn was the best...

Boris Johnson bitten by radioactive spider, spider now a complete c*nt

A radioactive spider was rushed to the vets today after biting Boris Johnson and subsequently becoming a massive arsehole. Apparently after biting Mr Johnson the spider immediately fathered 2000 children with several lady spiders. It...
Drunk man

Thomas the Trident Engine runaway incident: Fat controller was drunk

Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and Thomas the Trident Engine. Said one source we contacted who worked...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants' school in Rochdale, he sat in on a few classes. When a maths lesson was announced, the children...
Nazi Uniforms

Nazi slammed for organising Conservative Party themed stag do

A member of the Nazi Party at the centre of a controversy over a Conservative Party-themed stag do, is to step down as Obergruppenfuhrer of his local brown shorts SS division. Herr Himmler was forced...

Amber Rudd launches investigation into NHS as ‘foreign worker’ stats land

At the Tory Conference earlier today, Miss. Rudd asked all businesses to compile a list of anyone who looks or speaks funny - except the Welsh - in a drive to pay British workers...
Theresa May

Theresa May thrilled that Russia thinks she’s competent enough to stage poisoning

Bill Board, spokesman for the Government, has told The Rochdale Herald that Theresa May is privately thrilled that the Russian Government has accused her Government of staging the Salisbury poisoning. Mr Board explained, "Theresa was...
Theresa May

Chips aren’t as tasty as live mice confirms Prime Minister

In an attempt to appear more human Theresa May took a break from eating her usual diet of live mice and had one of her aides purchase a cone of chips from a local cafe. The PM...

“Leave scientists” confused by spoon

Leave the EU scientists found themselves stumped this afternoon when faced with a spoon. They had previously been asked to identify a knife and a fork, to work out what to do with them, but...

Government reassures that Brexit talk delays are all part of the plan

Number 10 has today reassured the Rochdale Herald that everything is in good order and that they do, in fact, know what they are doing with Brexit. Our Number 10 insider told us “Our...

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