In the wake of this week’s political posturing a spokesman for Momentum and a journalist for the Canary has revealed that Jeremy Corbyn is always right and that his wee wee smells of Rainbows.

“Jeremy Corbyn has never been wrong about anything. Ever. Fact.” Hermione Flowerpower, spokesbot for the Labour activist group Momentum told The Rochdale Herald. “Nostradamus has nothing on Jeremy. He just knows stuff and is never, ever wrong. Ever.”

The announcement follows a week in which keen gardener, corduroy collector, political mystic and secret Brexit enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn was absolutely right about something, apparently, according to all the people who agree with everything he ever says anyway.

“The important thing to remember when making judgement about what decisions are the right ones and the wrong ones is to remember who is making them.” Added Canary journalist Leon Marx.

“The rule of thumb is that if Jeremy says it’s true, it’s true. If anybody disagrees with him they’re obviously Tories who think child poverty is a good thing and can’t be trusted. It’s that simple.”

“It’s like this whole poisoning thingy in Salisbury. You can’t go around condemning people for murdering people until investigations have been carried out, unless they’re Tories of course. They’re all guilty. Obviously.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.