ISIS applies for FIFA membership
The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.
In a surprise move, they hope to be...
Brexiters excited to leave the EU posthumously
According to a recent poll, Leave voters up and down the country are excited at the prospect of leaving the EU posthumously.
Following continuous delays...
Barrymore seeks planning permission for bigger pool after High Court throws out Blair war...
It is being reported that Michael Barrymore is all set to appeal to the High Court for planning permission for a second swimming pool...
Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population
The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive...
I’m nothing like Steve Bannon – says Darth Vader
Darth Vader took to Twitter today to distance himself from "that evil bastard" Steve Bannon after Bannon compared himself to Darth Vader, Thomas Cromwell, Dick Cheney and Satan.
Trump gives world a ‘pearl necklace’ as withdrawal does not stop emissions
President Donald J. Trump will keep his promise not to come in the world’s mouth and insisted he would squirt his emissions onto the...
KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump
In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku...
Rishi Sunak to announce 80% wages to be replaced by a free bike
The Chancellor of the Exchequer is set to announce that the job retention scheme, which sees those workers furloughed by their employer receive 80%...
“Why does nobody believe me when I say I’m sorry?” asks woman with made...
A woman who made up a fictitious CV in order to secure a series of well paid jobs in The City is about to...
Nuttall Calls For Ban On Dwarfism
UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has caused outrage today by Issuing a call for a ban on dwarves and "midgets and really just anyone suspiciously...
Winning a general election easier than taking benefits from orphans says woman who took...
Like the irritating eager new guy at work, dark Sith Lord and unelected PM, Theresa May, announced a snap general election 15 minutes before...
Substitute teacher to stand in for Theresa May in hope of improving cabinet discipline
Wilma Beard, a graduate teacher on the books of an education supply agency, has been contracted to fill in for Theresa May in the...
City of Brighton & Hove to be shortened by 1 metre after Brexit
Residents of Brighton & Hove were shocked to discover plans to shorten their city by 1 metre along it's East/West axis following Brexit.
In 1972,...
Prime Minister Hospitalised After Strong and Stable Seizure
Prime Minister Theresa May was rushed to hospital this evening after suffering what is described as a "strong and stable" seizure.
The incident occurred while...
Trump defuses “alt facts” row by appointing Humpty Dumpty as Secretary of State for...
US President Donald Trump today moved to defuse the smouldering row over the 'alternative facts' presented by his media counsellor Kellyanne Conway, by appointing fictional Alice-Through-the-Looking-Glass...
Boris Johnson says ‘Get behind May’ as it’s best angle to knife her in...
FOREIGN SECRETARY Boris Johnson has urged colleagues to "get behind" the PM because "it's difficult to stab people in the back when you are...
