In a move in keeping with the utter shit show that has been 2016, Time Magazine has named the orange baboon Donald Trump “Person of the Year”.
Other notable recipients of the award include Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Vladimir Putin and Richard Nixon.
“2016 has been a fucking awful year. Who better to represent the year than a dayglo man sized toddler in an ill-fitting eighties power suit?” a spokesman for Time told The Herald.
“Usually it’s a couple of years after being elected before despotic demagogues do something really dreadful like start a World War, murder millions of their citizens, start a global depression, crush press freedoms or effectively end democracy. So you all have a year or two to get your affairs in order.”
Trump beat stiff competition in this year’s lineup, which included racist Arthur Daley impersonator and fellow tax obfuscator Nigel Farage, the corporate schill Hillary Clinton and the former KGB officer whose press critics all mysteriously and coincidentally die, Vladimir Putin.
Donald is expected, at least by observers at The Rochdale Herald, to be the first President convicted of a crime in office and the last to be elected by a representative democracy in the United States. He’s also the first not to have read the Constitution.
You heard it here first.