Trump Challenges Clinton To Drug Test Prior To Next Debate – Clinton Lashes Back With Drug Taking Contest Challenge

US Election 2016; Following Donald Trump’s sensational accusation that Hillary Clinton looked ‘a bit spliffed up on dope and pills’ and had problems slowing down after the last televised presidential debate to catch up with her car (which was preceded by accusations by showbiz in-the-know nostril-experts such as Princess Leia that Trump was ‘clearly ripped to the fu**ing tits on primo-grade Bolivian marching powder’ at the previous engagement), Clinton has taken the bold manoeuvre of challenging Trump to a no-holds-barred drug taking competition, to take place in a specially constructed television studio immediately prior to the next debate.

drug use, crime, addiction and substance abuse concept - close up of crack cocaine drug dose track on mirror with marijuana joint, pills and syringe
Some drugs yesterday

The contest, should Trump accept, is expected to consist of three rounds, each lasting approximately one hour. Starting with the consumption of a selection of Class C drugs, such as benzodiazepines, GHB/GBL, ketamine, anabolic steroids and benzylpiperazines in round one, followed by a smorgasborg of speed, barbies, codeine, several pokey strains of weed and a selection of cathinones, including mephedrone in round two, those still standing will be subject to a gruelling cocktail of items from the Class A menu in round three, including smack, coke, crack, methadone, ecstasy, acid, and magic mushrooms, plus one or two ‘special designer numbers’ knocked up after hours by post-grad students in the University of Nevada chemistry lab.

Fox News political correspondent Megyn Kelly told us; “this could be one of the hottest debates we’ve ever witnessed in televised presidential election history. The sight of these two political heavyweights going head to head immediately after a colossal three hour drug binge should be like a scene out of a Bosch painting, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Smackdown’; the mescaline should be just about kicking in during the second half when the moderator, Fox New’s Chris Wallace, is hotly anticipated to have given them both The Fear by asking probing questions about immigration and the economy whilst conjuring Satan’.

‘Expect it to be a bit like The Hunger Games’ she continued, ‘only with loads and loads of drugs’.