Westminster is demob happy today as hundreds of MPs pack their bags and await their family’s driver to come and collect them for half term.
“I barely recall what my family looks like,” one excited home county MP told the Herald, “ it’s going to be super wicked exciting not to be sleeping in dorms for a whole week! Do you think Buster is still with us? Daddy did say if he bothered the chickens one more time he was going to have one of the men see to it.”
Other MPs were preparing to use their passports and go away for a sunny break in the south of Europe.
“We’ve pretty much fixed all of the UK’s problems. And we only just got back from conference season! Do you think I can have people over for a pyjama party? I hope I get to buy something with my expense account! Anything! O M G.”
One or two dissenting voices from unimportant parties who don’t represent anyone really have suggested that given the scale of issues the U.K. is faced with, MPs might actually like to work together and get a few things nailed down, rather than being on a near constant holiday, which they seem to have been in 2017.
“Envy is not a nice character trait. The people need to be governed. You can’t govern the people well if you’re always governing. It’s not rocket science. All work and no play is not a good idea.”
So let’s wish them a happy half term and hope they come back fresh faced and energetic and ready to take time off for Xmas and New Year in a few weeks.
“No holiday is not better than a bad holiday. Gosh. I’ll tell you that for nothing!”