Public Health Warning-Skittles Ban comes into effect.

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The popular sweets Skittles will today be banned from sale all across the world after news has emerged that just 3 of them contain...

UKIP call for Global Warming referendum

In what is seen as a bid to rescue UKIP from self-inflicted obsolescence, leadership hopeful and Anthony Head lookalike, Steven Woolfe has today called...

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck Corbyn tells press conference

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Jeremy Corbyn met a press conference today to tell the British public exactly how delighted he is that Theresa May has called a snap...

Trident Subs: Gotta catch ’em all

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Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear...

Jeremy Corbyn appoints his teddy bears and security blanket to cabinet

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The leader of the Labour Party Jeremy Corbyn has just had to give all his friends in the tree-house gang another reprimand. Having failed...

Gove says public ‘sick and tired’ of so-called legal experts…

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Following the successful legal challenge to Brexit, Michael Gove has said that the public are "sick and tired" of so-called legal experts being high...

Colonel Mustard blames the Housing Minister in the Cabinet Office with the Funding Cuts

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Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.   The Colonel, wearing a...

Theresa May reveals plans for future funding cuts.

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Theresa May faced the press this week in a hope to clarify future government spending. In an exclusive interview with the Rochdale Herald she...

Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock

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Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from...

Putin Accused in Rogue One Plan Hack Report

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Emperor Palpatine has sensationally accused Russia of interfering in the internal affairs of the Galactic Empire. He has warned that the Empire will retaliate for...

Anarchists angered at police refusal to follow rules

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A group of Rochdale anarchists have been telling the Herald about the treatment they received at the hands of the German police at the...

Theresa May speaks to Herald – exclusive!

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The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and...
Theresa May

“Don’t worry, my government will soon be gone.” May reassures a worried public

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Theresa May stood outside 10 Downing Street this afternoon to reassure an increasingly worried country that, "Don't worry, my government will soon be gone." "It...

Jeremy Corbyn announces plan to nationalise The Conservative Party

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After repeated catastrophic errors by delinquent absentee management, the British Leyland and Unionists Party is on the edge of failure. The Tory Party has long...

World now clear on just how much rope was needed for Donald Trump to...

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The world has been quivering with excitement over President Trump's possible impeachment for some time now, like Kim Jong-Un's stubby digit over a big...
Ann Widdecombe

Humans cured of sexuality after imagining Ann Widdecombe masturbating in the bath

Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with...

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