US to build lots of walls around Mexicans in US.
Donald Trump has confirmed that the building of the Mexican wall will go ahead and has given further details of its construction.
Rather than trying...
World leaders tackle climate change with massive party and flights home on private jets
The world's elite gave their 100% commitment to climate change this Monday by having a colossal piss up then returning to all corners of...
Foreign words banned from entering English language March 2019
Foreign words already resident in the native tongue, like Welsh ones, will be allowed to remain after England (and the others) exit the EU.
Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in
In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot.
Current Work and...
Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED
The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified.
The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be...
Gay sex not a sin if you keep your socks on says Tim Farron
Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron says he does not believe gay sex is a sin "as long as you don't push back".
Mr Farron said...
We want to control our own borders! As long as our borders stay in...
Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border...
Colonel Mustard blames the Housing Minister in the Cabinet Office with the Funding Cuts
Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.
The Colonel, wearing a...
Cricketers injured as dyslexic Anarchists riot at T20
Two Yorkshire cricketers and a number of spectators were injured last night as nearly 200 dyslexic anarchists rioted at the T20.
Similar riots took place...
UKIP elects Diane James leader
Diane James was elected the leader of UKIP yesterday and has already been causing controversy on account of not being Nigel Farage.
People outside of...
British businesses fat and lazy, says podgy bloke who does sweet FA for a...
Liam Fox, who was sacked from the previous government for being a dodgy sod, has said that British businesses are fat and lazy and...
Corbyn Backs May In Commons Vote Again
"I'm sure I can remember one, if you just give me a minute." Jeremy Corbyn replied this afternoon, following the Commons vote to call...
FIFA launch investigation into DUP backhander scandal
The Federation of International Football Associations (FIFA), have announced their intention to pursue a full investigation into alleged corruption in British politics, following the...
Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting
Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.
Britain leaves E.U. in last night’s dress and no tights
At 6.30 this morning, Britain hailed a taxi while attempting to wipe off the worst of last night's make-up, confident in the knowledge that...
Corbyn stands on box labelled Schrödinger’s jobs brexit at Labour conference
The Labour conference in Brighton today will feature an entertaining diversion when national treasure Jeremy Corbyn takes to the stage and stands on a...
