Chris Grayling has revealed he’s pregnant after he took the new Covid-19 antibody test. 

A spokesman said, “It came as quite a surprise for Chris that he was pregnant. He wasn’t even trying for a baby and had just nipped out to get some petrol. It does mark an improvement on the last time he went out for petrol and Notre Dame Cathedral burnt down.”

Mr Grayling is expected to take a full 9 months of maternity leave. When asked if this would impact his day to day duties an aide told us, “There’ll probably be far fewer fires. Do you know that last year he attended a barbeque and burnt an entire village down? Nobody has a clue how he managed it. He lit the barbecue and stood there and before anyone knew it the whole village was on fire.”

A small child we interviewed to pad this article out a bit told us, “I have no idea who this is but I’ve learned bogies make a great meal.”

Mr Grayling has 2 children, 1 dog, a house that has 3,0000987654 bricks, several cars, takes 150000 breaths a day, has 8000000 red blood cells and has been the MP for Epsom and Ewell since 2001. He once drove past the exit for Rochdale on the M62 and wanted to be a train driver when he was little.

We contacted him for comment but he answered the phone, went to answer the door and never came back.

Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.