Nazi Uniforms

Nazi slammed for organising Conservative Party themed stag do

A member of the Nazi Party at the centre of a controversy over a Conservative Party-themed stag do, is to step down as Obergruppenfuhrer of his local brown shorts SS division. Herr Himmler was forced...

Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED

The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn is always right and his wee wee smells of rainbows

In the wake of this week's political posturing a spokesman for Momentum and a journalist for the Canary has revealed that Jeremy Corbyn is always right and that his wee wee smells of Rainbows. "Jeremy...

UK’s youngest Brexit voter has died aged seventy three

We met in a small cafe in Westminster. A reporter for the Rochdale Herald and Britain's youngest Brexit supporter. Shining another glass to make the hours pass. Working every day in a cheap cafe...

Scientists admit Rees-Mogg is experiment to create the perfect twat

There was mild surprise today, as the lid was blown off a secret program revealing that Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg was the product of an experiment to engineer 'the perfect twat'. Whistleblowers have revealed that...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson awards Carillion contract to build bridge to France

Boris Johnson's office has revealed that the Government will award the contract to build a bridge between Britain and France to construction company and Tory party favourite Carillion. The decision has come as a suprise...
David Davis

David Davis organises piss up in brewery on wrong day

The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union reportedly organised a smashing piss up in a brewery to celebrate New Year's Eve on the 29th of December. "It would have been a cracking New...
Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being politely asked questions about his job during an interview on Radio...

What’s Sinister about asking academics to wear armbands to identify themselves? Asks Conservative MP

A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in the UK wear armbands with an EU logo on them. Chris...
Sofa

David Davis and Liam Fox successfully negotiate paying full price for DFS sofa

Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa at full price from DFS. Davis said, "I knew when we...

Wolverhampton and Dudley will declare independence from the West Midlands ‘in a matter of...

Wolverhampton & Dudley will declare independence from the West Midlands in a matter of days, the leader of the autonomous region has told the Rochdale Herald. Following a heated meeting on Sunday at Mad O'Rourke's...
Conservative Party

ISIS claim responsibility for Conservative Party Conference

The attackers wrote Boris’s jokes, Theresa May’s speech and arranged for all the letters to fall off the wall behind the Prime Minister during her main conference address in an audacious display of comic timing.
Right-hand drive chaos

Yorkshire driving ban on women to be lifted

The King of Yorkshire, His Majesty Geoffrey Boycott the first, has issued a decree allowing women to drive within the Sovereign state for the first time, to the joy of activists. Yorkshire had been...
Rees Mogg

Argument for abortion makes argument against abortion

Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under any circumstances. "I'm catholic, and according to my beliefs abortion is...
David Davis

David Davis replaced as Brexit negotiator by two short planks

The government announced this morning that Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis is to be replaced by two short planks. It's believed the replacement of Mr. Davis with a pair of stout pieces of wood will...

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