Theresa May

Theresa May accused of muttering in parliament “fuck em, let em starve”

0
Theresa May was accused of muttering the words "fuck em, let em starve" in parliament on Wednesday. May appeared to mutter the words during a debate in the Commons about whether or not orphaned children...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

0
Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to...

Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery

0
There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled. The news comes after many months of negotiations between Downing Street and Marston's Brewery collapsed...

UKIP appoint woman who put that cat in wheelie bin as advisor on cat...

0
The collection of gammon faced halfwits known as the UK Independence party has appointed the internationally famous cat abuser Mary Bale as an advisor on cat welfare issues. Mary will advise Gerard whathisface, this week's...
Jeremy Corbyn

“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...

0
Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and he is in fact the opposition. Mr Corbyn appeared after definitely...

Brexiteer speaks of shock at discovering Britain is an island

0
Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today. Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, "People have been telling me how important the ports are for trade....
Letterbox

Boris Johnson looks like a c*nt, say letterboxes

0
Letterboxes around the UK have stood by their remarks about the Boris Johnson after the Post Office chairman asked them to apologise. There is broad cross party support for letterboxes who have been criticised by...
Nazi Uniforms

Nazi slammed for organising Conservative Party themed stag do

0
A member of the Nazi Party at the centre of a controversy over a Conservative Party-themed stag do, is to step down as Obergruppenfuhrer of his local brown shorts SS division. Herr Himmler was forced...

Home Office confirms that new blue UK passports will be HALAL-CERTIFIED

0
The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn is always right and his wee wee smells of rainbows

0
In the wake of this week's political posturing a spokesman for Momentum and a journalist for the Canary has revealed that Jeremy Corbyn is always right and that his wee wee smells of Rainbows. "Jeremy...

UK’s youngest Brexit voter has died aged seventy three

0
We met in a small cafe in Westminster. A reporter for the Rochdale Herald and Britain's youngest Brexit supporter. Shining another glass to make the hours pass. Working every day in a cheap cafe...

Scientists admit Rees-Mogg is experiment to create the perfect twat

0
There was mild surprise today, as the lid was blown off a secret program revealing that Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg was the product of an experiment to engineer 'the perfect twat'. Whistleblowers have revealed that...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson awards Carillion contract to build bridge to France

0
Boris Johnson's office has revealed that the Government will award the contract to build a bridge between Britain and France to construction company and Tory party favourite Carillion. The decision has come as a suprise...
David Davis

David Davis organises piss up in brewery on wrong day

0
The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union reportedly organised a smashing piss up in a brewery to celebrate New Year's Eve on the 29th of December. "It would have been a cracking New...
Passports

Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...

0
A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...
Michael Gove

Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad

0
The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being politely asked questions about his job during an interview on Radio...

Follow us

61,090FansLike
18,423FollowersFollow
23,234FollowersFollow

Popular Posts