The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union reportedly organised a smashing piss up in a brewery to celebrate New Year’s Eve on the 29th of December.

“It would have been a cracking New Year’s Eve party, if David had the got date right.” Michael Barnier, Chief Negotiator for Making Leaving the EU a Royal Pain in the Arse, told The Rochdale Herald.

“He got most of what you need lined up to get people drunk in a brewery to celebrate the New Year.”

“Well he got the brewery bit right at least. He just organised it on the 29th of December, he seemed genuinely surprised to learn that it wasn’t New Year’s Eve.”

“For a moment I thought he was joking when he started counting down to midnight, and then I thought this is David Davis anything is possible.”

Reportedly most of the other EU negotiators took pity on him and sang Auld Lang Syne.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.