Brexit Secretary Dominic Raab has been speaking of his discovery that Britain is an island today.

Speaking to the media Mr Raaab said, “People have been telling me how important the ports are for trade. I thought it was clearly the ramblings of some gravy train expert from the EU. I mean, all the food that is delivered to my local Waitrose comes on a lorry. They can’t drive through water so how can they get here if Britain is an island?”

Mr Raaaab then went on to recount a trip to Dover, “I went down to this place called Dover. It’s where all the Waitrose lorries come from. They took me to this huge body of water called, The English Channel. It’s amazing. Lorries were coming off this huge gloating thing and entering the country. Not only that but there’s a railway line that goes underneath the sea to France.

Can you believe it?

They get on the train in Dover and get off in France.”

Mr Raaaaaab continued, “There was this land in the distance. I asked what it was and the man showing me around told me that it’s France. You can see France from Britain. It’s completely mad.”

The revelation follows a similar experience that Mr Raaaaaaab had a few weeks ago when he visited the Royal Institute to discuss the impact of Brexit on scientific projects. Then Mr Raaaaaaaab is alleged to have discovered that the moon you see each night is also still there in the day and doesn’t go to bed. Many observers are rumored to have said that it reminded them of the time Jeremy Corbyn was told that Homeopathy is total bollocks. That revelation happened in July 2018.”

Rochdale resident Cliff Edge told us, “Look at all the remoaners making a joke of it. But it’s not as if they knew Britain is an island. I didn’t see that written on the side of a bus.”

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.