Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson said today that claims that he has it in for rail nationalisation enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn are unfounded.

The gazillionaire, famous for crappy record shops and climate change, told the Herald;

“I’m completely neutral on the matter. Just like the frankly wonderful and saintly Tony Blair, I am only interested in the truth. And maybe screwing the public for more government subsidies whilst I rake in the profit.”

Virgin Trains released a video that proved that Jeremy Corbyn isn’t like normal people because he didn’t actually sit in seats reserved for other people. 

“Clearly the experience of every single commuter who doesn’t go first class is invalidated now,” said a Virgin Trains spokesspinner, “and trains are never overcrowded. 

 Not even when there are six empty first class carriages and one standard with toilets at each end.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.