After months of denying that ‘Brexit’ could be defined in terms of anything other than being ‘Brexit’, the Government has finally announced what, in detail, the term means. 

Deputy Minister for Brexitty Things, Raymond Sister explained “The Government has decided that Brexit means an electrical appliance designed to warm bread up until it is crisp and brown.”

A bemused journalist asked Mr Sister if this was not actually the definition of ‘a toaster’. The minister replied;

“This is just typical of the whinging remoaner attitude. They simply try to undermine the fact that the British people have spoken to take back our breakfast and protect our great tradition of heating up cardboard-tasting bread. If these traitors, yes, that is not too strong a word, want to flood our country’s breakfast tables with so-called ‘croissants’ and ‘strudels’ they should go and live in Albania, or wherever these things come from. And don’t get me started on muesli.”

The Herald’s Sebastian Wiesel asked the minister “So, minister, to clarify, you are saying ‘Brexit means toaster’?”

“Yes” confirmed Mr Sister.