Turkeys delighted they’re able to finally “get Christmas done”
Turkeys up and down the country are said to be delighted that they are now in a position to finally "get Christmas done."
"We've been...
Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend
Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early...
Get behind my shit deal or we won’t be able to do dreadful thing,...
Theresa May has urged MP's to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit.
With many people warning that...
Now that passports are blue again I might get one, says 50 year old...
A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be...
Wolverhampton and Dudley will declare independence from the West Midlands ‘in a matter of...
Wolverhampton & Dudley will declare independence from the West Midlands in a matter of days, the leader of the autonomous region has told the...
Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery
There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled.
The news comes after many...
Boris Johnson books flight home from New York with Thomas Cook
Downing Street have issued a statement this morning explaining that Boris Johnson won't be able to attend Prime Minister's Questions today because he's stuck...
Warnings issued magic mushroom Brexit brexitius causes hallucinations of £350M week for NHS
Health officials in the United Kingdom issued warnings today regarding the consumption of a new species of magic mushroom called ‘Brexit brexitius’ as consumers...
Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit
Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.
There's been a...
Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue
The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face...
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
Media blackout of J***** C***** continues
All national media outlets are continuing with their agreement to stop any reporting of a certain well known political leader this week, who we...
Actor playing Donald Trump forgets stage directions
Due to White House budget cuts, an experienced but cheap actor was selected for the part. Bit part "character actor" Rowle Player is best...
Right wing extremist appears on Good Morning Britain to interview Tommy Robinson
Good Morning Britain producers made the controversial choice today of asking a divisive, opinionated, loud mouth to appear on their show. Piers Morgan was...
Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem
Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned.
"It was an honest mistake and...
Britain declares national state of Armagammon
An emergency committee has confirmed that Britain faces an unprecedented state of 'Armagammon' today.
One insider told us, "This is the highest state we could be...
