Wildfire at Huddersfield housing estate as family of partridges lose control of barbecue

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A Huddersfield housing estate has burned to the ground after a barbecue, lit by a family of wildfowl, was left unattended. The estate of roughly...

Supermarkets completely free of dickheads right now, for some reason

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Supermarkets across the country are reportedly completely dickhead free for the first time since 1990 according to sources. The complete absence of knuckle dragging fuckwits...

Britain faces Sophie’s choice over which incompetent arsehole leads it

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Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the...
Professor

Department of Education announce Degree in Hindsight to prevent all future tragedies

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Civil servants and politicians from a wide range of governmental departments are throwing their weight behind a Department of Education proposal to create a...

Overtired parent looking forward to grocery shopping alone for the ‘me time’

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An overtired parent 'who can have your name if you like' is looking forward to going grocery shopping later without their children so they...

Theresa May to woo younger voters with some fava beans and a nice chianti

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It was announced this morning by ToryDinners4U, a think tank specially focused on food service and traditional conservative values, that the prime minister will...

“I Can’t Wipe My Arse With New £Fiver” Say Tory Chair Lord Bastard

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New Prime Minister Teresa May has had a sensational bust-up with party Chairman - Lord Bastard of Hubris - over the new £5 note....

Rochdale man swaps first-born child for pint in London pub

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It has been revealed that a Rochdale man was forced to exchange his first-born child for a pint during a recent visit to London....

Theresa May establishes Disaster Committee to “get ahead of the game”

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Theresa May reassured a worried nation today by giving David Davis extra responsibility when she appointed him head of the newly formed Disaster Committee. It's a...
Blue Planet

Outrage as BBC confirms NONE of tonight’s Blue Planet II animals will be wearing...

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The BBC has issued an apology after leaked footage of tonight's 'Blue Planet II' revealed that NONE of the animals featured will be wearing a...

New Britain First leader Wayne Cummings apparently not a made up name

Wayne Cummings has beaten off stiff competition from brothers Wayne Kerr and Yiwen Kerr to slide into interim role as Bellend-in-Chief of the UK's...

Tories fined £20 million for pumping untreated sewage into people’s brains

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The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

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Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering...

Angelina Jolie on track to beat Elizabeth Taylor’s record

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Marriage fan Angelina Jolie revealed yesterday that she was well on track to break the late Elizabeth Taylor's Hollywood record of eight marriages and...
Ancient text

Daily Mail claim Koran found propping up wobbly table leg in Thomas Mair’s kitchen

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In a shocking turn of events, the Daily Mail have claimed police forensics have revealed to them that during the investigation into Thomas Mair...

This is your eighty seventh and FINAL warning Corbyn tells Labour MPs

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After 52 of Jeremy Coalbin's unruly red rabble voted against the party whip over the Article 50 vote in parliament, the Labour leader has...

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