Trump Election Due To Cosmic Emissions Says Brian Cox
Professor Brian Cox has explained the recent election of Donald Trump by pointing to a rare stellar phenomenon. The Oldham-but-not-Rochdale born scientist explained:-
"On the 9th...
Foreign holiday season likely to be cancelled says Minister for the Bleedin Obvious
Many British people are unlikely to be able to take summer holidays abroad this year says Matt Hancock in a stunning example of the...
US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them
Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said...
United Airlines passengers have it easy, complain Ryanair passengers
Following reports of a United Airlines passenger being violently removed from an overbooked flight on Sunday, angry Ryanair passengers have demanded to know why...
Local man in critical condition after accidentally hearing Vanessa Feltz on the radio
A local man is in a critical but stable condition at Rochdale General Infirmary after accidentally driving off a bridge into the River Roch...
Santa under pressure to explain unfair listing system
The popular dispenser of Christmas gifts, Santa Claus, has come under pressure today to explain the process behind the compilation of his Naughty and...
Homeopaths to protest NHS cut with one person million man march
Homeopaths are to warn Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt that he faces severe blowback from them if he does not reverse the cut to homeopathic...
Parliament summoned for cross party reshuffle
An emergency cross party parliamentary meeting has been organised for 1:00pm today to try and resolve our broken political system.
With the Tories fighting each...
Theresa May refuses to attend the General Election
After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take
flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail,
in...
Climate change deniers blame solar panels for sucking all the light out of the...
Climate change deniers took to social media today to decry the damage being done by solar panels to the sun, which they blame for...
Southern Rail offer Ryanair passengers bus replacement service for cancelled flights
Budget pay and pray airline, Ryanair have decided to cancel flights due to staff realising their pay and conditions could be significantly improved if...
BBC bans racist song White Christmas
The BBC working on advice from Institute for Cultural Correctness has announced that the song, White Christmas is to be banned.
Spokeswoman for the perpetually...
Daily Mail editor spontaneously combusts in Syrian child refugee logic feedback loop tragedy
After recent conflicts of conscience for the Mail, yesterday's news headlines about a little boy from Aleppo in Syria has caused it to disappear...
Being a tosser won’t stop you getting rich, scientist claims
Anders Farkenobbviarrs, head of research at the Norway Institute of Selfish Prick-like Behavior in Trondheim said “Loads of rich, successful people are total fuckers,...
Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe
There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.
Heseltine denies drowning kitten admits to strangling puppy
Lord Sir Michael Heseltine of Sith has dismissed the outrage over his admitting to throttling a dog as "Hippy nonsense!" as animal lovers across...
