Just 126 sleeps until Xmas, says cat

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A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon my yooman will be putting up the big green plaything...
Jeremy Corbyn

“We can’t stop Brexit without a strong opposition”, says old hippy who keeps forgetting...

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Jeremy Corbyn has taken time out from his busy schedule of avoiding anybody not singing, "Oh, Jeremy Corbyn" to prove he's still alive and he is in fact the opposition. Mr Corbyn appeared after definitely...

Nestlé announce Milky Bar Kid reboot

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The public were thrilled today to learn that the classic Milky Bar adverts will be making a return to our television screens this autumn complete with the timeless Milky Bar Kid, horse and famous...

Child refugees can stay till after they’ve seen NHS Dentist

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Teenage child refugees completing their journey to the UK were breathed a huge sigh of relief after being told they could remain in the UK until they could secure an appointment with an NHS Dentist.
Westminster

Power hungry arseholes also pervy fuckers shocker

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The United Kingdom is in shock this week after an all-party think tank found that power hungry arseholes of all political persuasions are also pervy fuckers. A slew of allegations of sexual misconduct hit both...
Bucket of Coal

Jeremy Corbyn’s children still enjoying playing with their new coal

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Jeremy Corbyn’s children reportedly had a brilliant Christmas and are still enjoying playing with the new coal their Dad bought them.

‘One is married to Philip’ Queen reminds Public who think Trump too racist for...

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Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists that Trump's racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment...

Doctor Who goes back to Gallifrey after announcing ‘I give up’

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The protector of earth with more faces than Big Ben made the announcement on The One Show on Friday. Reflecting on the past 50 year of helping our species, the Peter Capaldi look-a-like said; "I stopped World...

Southern Rail offer Ryanair passengers bus replacement service for cancelled flights

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Budget pay and pray airline, Ryanair have decided to cancel flights due to staff realising their pay and conditions could be significantly improved if they no longer worked there. In a show of solidarity with...

Vic Reeves Corrie Storyline Leaked

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After news broke this week that one half of comic duo Reeves and Mortimer had landed a role in Coronation Street, technerds immediately got to work hacking Granada for the scripts and have now...

Brexit Deal Threatens Iconic Rochdale Signpost

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One of Rochdale's most iconic landmarks, the Welcome to Rochdale; Arsehole of Europe' signpost, has come under threat as Britain gears up for leaving the EU. Rochdale has held the official European 'Arsehole' title for...

Jacob Rees-Mogg completely opposed to jazz music and women in trousers under any circumstances

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During an appearance on The One Show this week, Conservative leadership favourite and plum-voiced time traveller, Jacob Rees-Mogg admitted his firm 1920s beliefs meant he was entirely against jazz music and women wearing trousers. These...
Duke Brothers

Trump Presidency revealed as elaborate Duke Brothers $1 bet

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Reclusive Wall Street tycoons the Duke Brothers have been at it again, this time betting against US Democracy.

Knob-head hand gesture at lowest levels since records began

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A recent poll has revealed that this once loved insult has seen a sudden decline in use, and could be completely extinct by the year 2025. For years, the simple hand gesture was a staple...

Whitehall in panic as Chilcot Report left on N47 Deptford Bus

With only a little more than a month to go before the controversial Chilcot report is due to be released Whitehall has been thrown into chaos. Mandarins up and down the country have been recalled...

Great repeal bill to herald the return of Spangles

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The government's planned "Great Repeal Bill" to change 44 years worth of EU legislation into British law is slated to help turn the clock back to a golden age of British life. Aside from the...

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