nuclear

FA launch tactical nuclear strike at semi-final of Women’s Euro 2017

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The Football Association has long been implacably opposed to the rise of the women’s game. When it first got popular, the FA acted swiftly...

Director of CIA asks Jason Bourne to drop in on Trump for a ‘quiet...

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The Director of The CIA, John O'Brennan, asked Jason Bourne to pop over to Trump Tower. Following allegations Donald Trump made about the US intelligence...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

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Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to...

Health scare over psychotic illness which only infects BMW OWNERS!!!

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Doctors at Central Rochdale Asylum for Psychosis have issued a health warning over a virus which only infects BMW owners. Doctors have, however, begun...

Blair to build fantasy superhero based theme park Blair World in central London

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Amid all the depressing news at the moment, spirits of Londoners have been lifted by some entertainment news. Tony Blair has announced he will...
The Sun

The Sun to relaunch as Colouring Book

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The UK’s second best-selling hate rag, The Sun, is to be relaunched as a colouring book.  As of next week, the Murdoch-owned ‘newspaper’ will cease...
Man in Waiting Room

A&E waiting times fault of immigrants says bloke with Buzz Lightyear toy stuck up...

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A Lancashire man has spoken of his outrage at being forced to stand and wait for attention in Rochdale A&E for more than four...
Rochdale paramedics

Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist

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The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man...

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

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The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man...
Glastonbury

Corbyn’s speech was good but what have Cheesemakers done for me, asks man at...

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Jeremy Corbyn attended the Glastonbury festival today to deliver a speech to a crowd of thousands. The MP, short for the Messiah of the People,...

BBC Believes Last Labour Voter Now Extinct

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Naturalists have accused the BBC of poor science after it was revealed the broadcasting corporation believes there are no more Labour voters. The shock extinction...

Does my bum look big on top of this broken ambulance?

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Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she...

Global economy near collapse after George Osborne pulls sickie

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It has been revealed that once George Osborne takes up his post as Editor of the London Evening Standard, his importance to the global...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson to base Brexit negotiations on Pogs

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Boris Johnson has revealed that the UK's Brexit negotiations will be based on Pogs. The Foreign Secretary and Bertie Wooster of the Conservative Party told Robert Peston...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Leamington to become post Brexit English capital

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The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime...
Samantha Cameron

Austerity horror as Samantha Cameron admits to sending her cook to Aldi

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Samantha Cameron has triggered an outpouring of concern this morning with the revelation that she has had to send cook to Aldi. And it gets...

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