Nobody fancies Simon Danczuk – Rochdale Herald Poll reveals

In a shocking twist in the "Simon Danczuk pulled a 22 year old" scandal The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that is was all...

Ovaltine and cats are the new clubbing

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Night clubbing has undergone a radical change in recent years. The club scene has had many different faces. From tea dances, jazz and the dancehall...
Noel Edmonds

Man who says negativity causes cancer sues HBOS for fraud

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A quiz show presenter who asked a cancer patient if it was possible his ill health is caused by your negative attitude has announced he...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

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Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

8
Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and...
Tangled Wires

Tangled wires defy all laws of physics, confirm scientists

A study has proven that any one wire left unattended for 5 minutes, will tangle itself beyond the laws of physics.  The physics department of...
Marty McFly

Marty McFly and Dr Emmett Brown arrested for crimes against humanity for failing to...

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The time travelling duo, Marty McFly and Dr Emmett Brown, are currently being held in the custody of Sheriff James Strickland in Hill Valley, Northern California. Strickland...
Darth Vader

Ken Loach to direct next Star Wars film ‘Empire on Strike’ as gritty Northern...

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Star Wars fans have been shocked by Disney's announcement that Star Wars episode IX will be directed by Ken Loach, who plans to pivot...
Florence

Theresa May to prove in Florence it’s not just British people who don’t listen...

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The British Prime Minister is today at the EU Summit in Florence to give a landmark speech to a 4,000 seat amphitheatre containing one...

PETA free thousands of battery farmed Jesuses forced into tiny cages for their chocolate...

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Religious rights activists have launched coordinated raids around the world this morning and have successfully freed tens of thousands of battery farmed Jesuses from...

Selfie App spots early signs of Hipster

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Have you recently felt the need to visit the newly opened Craft beer bar up the street? Have you been annoyed at your local café...

Jeremy Corbyn threatens to remove ISIS leaders from Christmas Card List

Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott have taken the bold step to thoroughly condemn the actions of ISIS supporters this week and are preparing to...

Local Man PROMISES he’s only drinking Strongbow Dark Fruit ‘because it’s sunny’

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A local man has insisted that he doesn't normally drink Strongbow Dark Fruit, but when it's sunny outside 'everybody does it'. Usually opting for an...
riot

Anarchists praise efficiency of German train network as G20 riots start on time

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The German city of Hamburg is hosting the 2017 G20 summit in which world leaders come together to discuss and agree on action on...
Tony Blair tattoo

Tony Blair reveals ‘only God can judge me’ tattoo

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Tony Blair has revealed his new tattoo. Mr Blair got the tattoo during a drunken night at Silvio Berlusconi's villa. The tattoo says, "Only...
Law

Britain free from the ‘shackles of Brussels’ as it adopts every European law

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Britain is going to reclaim its sovereignty and make itself great again by sticking two fingers up at Europe and adopting every law and...

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