Daily Express forecasts two feet of dead pensioners will fall in Central London by...
The Daily Express has warned readers that 20% of them will die this week because of the "Beast from the east".
Pensioner, Stan Still said,...
Trident finally put on Ebay
The Trident nuclear deterrent was today put up for sale on Ebay by the UK.
It is believed that the nuclear weapon system was bought...
Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout
Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.
Theresa May outraged over plans to drop Great from Great Britain
Chocolatiers are responding to Theresa May's ire this afternoon after "Great" was dropped from "Great Britain " in a number of confectionary products.
From now...
Apple announce the launch of the new iPhone Glitch-delivering all of the ‘Out of...
Apple today announced a new generation of iPhone: The iPhone Glitch.
The new iPhone Glitch will deliver today all of the update-delivered ‘enhancements’ that customers...
Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team
Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team.
Katie,...
Neil Armstrong’s body to be exhumed and tested for moon dust
President Donald Trump is understood to have ordered an investigation into whether or not the first moon landing ever happened on this day in...
Elon Musk to harness teenage angst as source of renewable energy
South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource".
A spokesperson for Mr...
Ivanka says: I Could Be The Pretty President After G20 Power Play
Speculation is rife in Washington D.C. that Ivanka Trump is pondering throwing her hat in the ring for the 2020 Presidential election circus.
After...
Soon to be estranged husband proposes ‘transitional sexual union’
Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.
Donald Trump’s ego biggest object in known universe, says Professor Brian Cox
Science - Astronomers have the identity of the biggest object in the known universe, and it's not your average - or even above-average -...
David Davis chosen as Westminster village idiot from competitive field
Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, David Davis, has been chosen to hold the esteemed job of Westminster Village Idiot, beating off...
David Davis tells Select Committee the dog ate his Brexit Impact Assessment
David Davis, the Secretary for Probably Exiting the European Union, has confirmed to the House of Lords Select Committee that he has definitely done...
May To Wheel Out Trebuchet
Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf".
The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult,...
Rochdale captains of industry look forward to purchasing artisans at new Rochdale Artisan Market
Local businessmen had their collective cocks in a hoop at the news that an Artisan Market is to be launched in Rochdale.
"Following Brexit all...
OED to introduce new terms for despicable journalism
Following some recent "newspaper" headlines, a source at the Oxford English Dictionary has revealed some new words to be introduced to accurately describe some...
