Awkward moment for Joseph as Jesus gets Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas

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In what has been described as the most awkward Christmas gift ever; Jesus has been given an Ancestry UK DNA testing kit for Christmas. One...
Ski Trip

Momentum members take comfort from prospect of cheaper ski holidays

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Whenever election results don't go as hoped, there is always a chance that the downhearted will become the outright depressed.  Fortunately, Momentum organiser Mia...
A "xenophobic" Englishman listening to Nicola Sturgeon

English All Xenophobic Wankers – says Nicola Sturgeon without Hint of Irony

Nicola Sturgeon will today claim that “Godless English Imperial filth” are using Brexit as a “licence for xenophobia” and that the English “are secretly working to not be considered Wankers by absolutely everyone.”
School Crossing

Crossings outside schools to be abolished to cut childhood obesity numbers

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Rochdale Council has announced the removal of pedestrian crossings from in front of schools as early as next week. The decision comes in a week...

Yahoo’s Head of IT Security asks Have you tried turning it off then on...

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The Global Head of IT Security for Yahoo has moved swiftly to support customers and dispel rumours of incompetence. VP of IT Security Brian Hodgkins,...

Gove to juggle environment portfolio with rent boy role in Midnight Cowboy sequel

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Michael Gove will juggle his new appointment as environment minister with a starring role in the long awaited sequel to 60s cult classic movie,...
Tony the Tiger

Tony the Tiger calls out Jamie Oliver after cereal box slur

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Celebrity spotters and various other people with naff all better going on in their lives were feverishly screaming over rumours of a celebrity feud...

Facebook losing young members because of FIND OUT WHY BY CLICKING HERE NOW!!!!

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Facebook is losing young users because they're less susceptible to extremist clickbait than middle-aged idiots. Suggestible older plonkers who can't think for themselves are still...

President Trump launches Ivanka’s exclusive Hello Pussy lingerie line during talks with Japanese Prime...

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Reading aloud small words from a Steve Bannon script, President Trump welcomed Prime Minister of Japan, Shinzo Abe, to the famous White House.  After he...
Michael Gove

Impossible to see photo of Michael Gove and not say ‘Twat’ research proves

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have proven conclusively that is impossible to look at a photograph of Michael Gove with a muttering the word "twat".

NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers

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People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

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Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late...

Legendary comic Tony Blair wins prestigious award

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Tony Blair, one half of iconic comedy duo The World Leaders, has been honoured with the prestigious Lincoln Leadership in Comedy Prize with particular...

NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly 

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In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
eraser

Liberal Metropolitan Elite plan to rig election goes awry when Hermes deliver rubbers to...

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The Liberal Metropolitan Elite was reeling last night when a delivery of 2 million rubbers was delivered to the wrong address. The Elite were allegedly planning...

Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”

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A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far...

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