Michael Gove concedes sushi made from poisonous blowfish should be made by an expert
Michael Gove, the man who claimed Britain had “had enough of experts” would appear to have at least some time for them, at least...
Woman wins “I’ve got no self respect, get me out of here!”
A woman called Scarlett Moffat, who you've probably never heard of or will again, has won the annual competition to see just how far...
Kelvin Mackenzie is a bellend says South Yorkshire Police
South Yorkshire Police have taken the bold move to publicly call the former editor of the The Sun, Kelvin Mackenzie a "complete bellend" over...
Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat
Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...
Citizen’s arrest powers updated to include summary execution
Put your hands on the car and get ready to die.
Home Secretary Amber Rudd confirmed today that the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE)...
Poundland to rebrand as Two Poundland by March 2017
Exciting news on the High Street as budget retailer Poundland announces a multi-million pound rebranding initiative.
Blitz spirit will see us through says man panic buying sanitary towels and Quinoa
The UK's Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, has likened the nation's handling of the Coronavirus pandemic to the "Blitz spirit" which saw plucky Brits through...
Sun to be sold in paper bag
The Sun newspaper is to be sold with a free brown paper bag from next week, it was revealed on that Twitter thingy today.
“From...
Web Removes Facebook From Xmas Card List
The World Wide Web is sulking after Facebook got its birthday wrong.
Facebook flooded feeds with celebratory posts on the 23rd of August claiming the...
Humans cured of sexuality after imagining Ann Widdecombe masturbating in the bath
Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with...
Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers
Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own.
Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a...
IKEA announce new post Brexit home-ware range
Swedish furniture and home-ware giant IKEA have announced that it plans tolaunch a new range of "post Brexit furniture and home-ware" to suit the...
NHS recruit Clippit the Paperclip to defend against hackers.
NHS boffins have rolled out the big guns this week, spending over half of their £42.50 IT budget on futuristic anti-virus software. ?
"We needed someone...
Britain happy to be America’s toilet after Brexit and doesn’t fear a blockage
Dr Liam Fox is in America this week offering the United Kingdom up as America’s toilet, after Brexit, and sees no risk of a...
Gavin Williamson declares war on schools
Former Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson has declared war on schools mere hours after being appointed Education Secretary.
His secret plan, which he immediately leaked, is...
You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express
Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto.
“Sounds...
