The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal that the makers of Canesten feminine products, have allegedly announced in a top secret press release that their next ad campaign will feature a soundtrack from 90’s pop sensations The Flaming Lips.

A spokesperson on the company’s website said “Thrush or vaginal candidiasis are the general and medical terms used to describe a common vaginal yeast infection. This occurs when the good bacteria in your vagina can’t keep the fungus (Candida albicans) under control, creating a suitable environment for Candida albicans to increase.

“Just so you know, thrush is not a sexually transmitted infection. It can be really uncomfortable, but in the majority of cases it’s simple to treat.”

The first commercial, set for release early next month will feature the Lips’ 1993 hit “She Don’t Use Jelly”.

Other remedies are available.

Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"