Something that might or might not happen could or could not send the pound plunging or not plunging and trigger, or maybe even not trigger a worse recession than the financial crisis, or possibly not, the Bank of England has warned.

It said the UK economy could shrink by 8% in the immediate aftermath of doing something or not doing something but could also grow 8%, who the fuck knows?

House prices might even go up or down by as much as a third or maybe even stay exactly the same as they are or doing something else entirely.

The Bank of England also warned the pound could fall by a quarter or go up by half or do something else.

The bank’s analysis comes after a bunch of people who haven’t done this before either said that they were absolutely certain that something bad could possibly happen or might even definitely happen, possibly.

“The problem with making economic predictions about stuff that hasn’t happened yet is that we’re always wrong, regardless of how vague we are.” An economist for The Bank of England told the BBC.

“It safer to say things like the UK economy could shrink by 8% because, well, strictly speaking anything could happen.”

“So we’re always sort of right. Sort of.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.