The NHS is struggling to keep up with the increase in male erectile dysfunction which appears to coincide with the success of female sporting teams on the national and international stage.
“Sometimes it’s hard,” says Hunt, “to be a man. Strong, assertive women taking over boy jobs make men feel inadequate. Men feel soft, floppy, diminished. Women are on top too much.”
Hunt went on to recommend that women should stop winning, to help stiffen men’s egos.
“At the moment, many men feel that they are unable to stand up and be counted.” It is not known whether or not Mrs Hunt has complained.
One such man is Willy Evert-Utchdown, captain of the Bull and Bigot rugby team, whose wife is a professional sportswoman.
“I can’t manage it any more,” he grizzles into his pint. “I’m like putty in her hands. I have to get pissed every night and pretend it’s brewer’s droop.”
Willy was scornful about the triumphant women’s rugby team, and was heard to mutter, “The Bull and Bigot team could really take them on, no contest.”
Cricketer Ellie Gant-Coverdrive was scathing.
“Men and their fragile little appendages! They should stand proud for us. My chap no longer comes up to scratch when I need a good rogering. I asked him, what am I supposed to do now? and he went bananas. Good idea, oranges are completely the wrong shape.”
One man who is unaffected is Jacob “The Stud” Rees-Mogg.
The Rees-Moggs are well on the way to producing their own football team. His secret?
“I always stand to attention when the National Anthem is played,” he boasts.
Could there be virtue in Victorian values after all?