The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women and some pre-teeners are requesting cosmetic surgery as they are unhappy with the look of their vaginas.

The most popular look is ‘The Michael Gove’ with roughly 92% of those requesting surgery asking for the Gove effect. “This is not surprising…”, remarked Immensa Pudenda of the privately owned Gash Clinic in Harley Street, London. “Michael Gove is the archetypal c*nt so many women who desire vaginal normalisation will choose the Gove look.”

The clinic also offers a ‘Boris Johnson’ for men who want an ‘enormous prick’ look. The minority government may be forced into accepting the Labia Party’s demands as a considerable number of Tory backbenchers are seeking to have Gove and Johnson back in the pubic (should that should be public? – Ed.) eye.

Theresa May will have to remain satisfied with her photo printed on dartboards which has become a best-seller across the UK and is proving popular with voters and MPs of all persuasions.