Category 4 hurricane ‘Dorian’ has caused devastation throughout the Bahamas this week.

The hurricane has broken previous records of longest sustained category 5 status and has had winds of up to 185mph, causing catastrophic damage throughout the Bahamas.

A meteorologist spokesman at the White house press conference said “The storm is the worst to hit the Leeward Islands in over 25 years and has caused at least 10 deaths… however thankfully it is believed none of those killed were American, white or wealthy.”

A state of emergency has been declared in the states vulnerable to Gulf storms, such as Florida, Georgia and the Carolinas; where richer white people’s property is in serious danger of the storm’s effects.

Thousands of national guard troops have been called to duty, to place sandbags around properties worth more than half a million dollars and to send helicopters out to all golf courses, where club members and their families are to be evacuated to safety.

Florida Governor Scott Richards made this announcement on Friday morning “I have declared a state of emergency; evacuation protocols are in place for registered VIPs. If you are not a VIP or are either poor or a minority I recommend you hide under a table and pray.”

President Donald Trump made the following tweets “sad, so sad that Florida is in a state of emergency. Loblolly golf course is beautiful, the best. Shame it’s going to be closed, but necessary.”

“Irma is the biggest. The best hurricane ever, just watch. It’ll be way better than loser Hurricane Matthew under Obama.”

Storm Matthew caused 555 deaths in the Bahamas last october and 47 deaths in the United states. Hurricane Irma is expected to make landfall in Florida sometime later this weekend.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.