Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot and killed the government has announced dramatic reforms to curb the growing crisis.
“Obviously just letting everybody arm themselves to the teeth with conventional weapons hasn’t done the trick.” A spokesman for the US government told The Rochdale Herald.
“The real issue is that not enough Americans are packing heat when they go to the supermarket or the swimming baths. If they all were then obviously there’d be no gun crimes at all.”
“The next obvious step to take is to make short range nuclear weapons available over the counter at Best Buy and Walmart. If we want to ensure that members of the public are completely safe then we need to give them all access to even bigger weapon systems.”
“We don’t yet have shoulder launched systems available yet to the general public, but we do have some very reasonable sized short range options that can fit in a reasonably sized underground bunker in your back yard.”
“We’re absolutely certain this is the best way forward. What could possibly go wrong.”