Donald Trump has today announced a huge package of far reaching sanctions against Germany after discovering that Germany failed to help the US during the D-Day landings.

The sanctions will take effect on Monday and will primarily penalise golf resorts and hotels not owned by the Trump family.

“Obviously we like Germany but they didn’t do much to help us during the Second World War.” Trump told reporters.

“Where were they when we needed them at Normandy for example? Nowhere to be seen.”

“We had to fight the French and the Kurds all by ourselves, except people with bone spurs. They had to bravely sit that one out.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.