Donald Trump has taken Twitter to defend the rights of racists across America to say and do really racist things.

“Racists are a minority just like blacks, gays, wops, gooks, spicks and women.” A spokesman for The White House told The Rochdale Herald.

“Racists are a pretty big minority and loads of them vote for Trump. It’s important that their constitutional rights to behave like awful shitbirds is defended.”

“The Democrats saying that we, I mean they, can’t say racist things is racist against us, err, I mean them, and it’s definitely unconstitutional.”

“And to suggest that Donald Trump is racist is ridiculous. Some of his best butlers and caddies have been n*****s and he uses undocumented latino workers to do many of the worst jobs in his hotels from cleaning toilets to giving Jeffrey Epstein handjobs.”

Katie Hopkins was available for comment, but we couldn’t be arsed to hear what she had to say.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.