Satirists run out of ink

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Thousands of satirists across the UK and their tens of readers around the world face a crisis as the supplies of ink slowed to...

Homeopaths to protest NHS cut with one person million man march

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Homeopaths are to warn Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt that he faces severe blowback from them if he does not reverse the cut to homeopathic...
Calendar

Latest theory on the structure of the Gregorian calendar revealed.

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Following alleged intense research on the part of our Ace reporter, The Rochdale Herald is able to reveal the latest acadamic theory surrounding the...

Terrify your neighbours with The Original Trumpkin

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Make your own Original Trumpkin! Have you ever wanted to scare the bejeezus out of your neighbours on Halloween? Finally you have you chance with...

Herald Horrible Histories presents Pathetic Presidents

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Episode 1 - Pathetic Presidents. The Terrible Trumps. Welcome to the News at When. When? The 21st century, when one of America's presidents was a...

Britain mourns the loss of George Michael jokes – We look back at terrible...

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Britain is tonight coming to terms with the sudden loss of George Michael jokes and as a target for snide comments & toilet based humour.

Satire Is Officially Obsolete, Satirists Announce

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Satirists have officially announced that satire is no more, it has been confirmed. A spokesman on behalf of satirists, announced, "As of January 31st 2017,...
Salt and Vinegar crisps

A word in your ear Mr Lineker

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I have a suggestion for Gary Lineker Maybe you should stop selling Salt & Vinegar If your boss still works with the devil Then tell them to...

Six year old girl fears poisoning after finding new food mixed into her food

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Six year old Sally Parker, domestic overseer and student, has recoiled in horror fearing poisoning after the discovery of new food mixed into food...
Dunkirk Queue

Queue for pedalos during Dunkirk evacuation shorter than Benidorm immigration control confirm veterans

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Eyewitness accounts given by proper British holidaymakers desperate to return to the UK reveal that queues for pedalos during the Dunkirk evacuation were shorter...

New father awarded medal for empathy by comparing childbirth to having a tricky poo

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"My partner, Honeydew, was having an awful time squeezing little Clytemnestra out. It reminded me of a time I had ferocious constipation and needed half an hour to curl one out." He spread a little ketchup on his sausage.

Is there something Stephen Crabb isn’t telling us?

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In a dramatically uncharacteristic move Stephen Crabb, the former intern at  anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE and employer of interns from the anti-equality fundamentalist...
Plain wooden coffin

Rochdale man takes own life after using the word “Stat”

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Local person and Rochdale Herald editor Quentin D.Fortesque has today ended the sad experiment that was his life, after an ill-advised use of the...

Judgemental twat who starts every opinion with ‘I’m not being funny, but’ definitely is...

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A man who enjoys character assassinating every person he encounters and then tries to excuse himself of any malice by saying 'I'm not being...
Bomb Squad

New Samsung Galaxy Note 8 to be unveiled by military bomb disposal unit

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Samsung have hit the press with the announcement that their new Galaxy Note 8 device will be unveiled in August by military bomb disposal...

Unfortunately, Jimmy Carr survives breakthrough surgery

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With great regret, surgeons at Kings College London have released a statement confirming the successful operation to remove a rogue dog toy squeaker that...

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