Clapham West Hipster MP Rufus Lunarium has demanded that all new laws be written on slate.
Westminster’s youngest MP, who was elected to the seat of Clapham West on June 8th, is the only MP from the Leather DVD Party. He made the demand after learning all new laws are written on vellum.
“This is barbaric.” Lunarium stated, speaking outside the Sun Around Ponds pub in his constituency, after a meeting of the public pressure group ‘Beards Aren’t Just For Christmas’.
“As soon as parliament resumes sitting I’m going to be tabling a private member’s bill demanding that the frankly barbaric practise of skinning a calf just to write down the mutterings of a bunch of uncool, middle aged adulterers be outlawed as many times as necessary. I won’t allow another law to be recorded on vellum while I’m sitting as an MP.”
Rufus immediately clarified the statement to,
“While I’m lounging at the back of the chamber smoking a hookah pipe my grandmother thinks my grandfather brought back from Palestine in the war and which I found by way of my kismet in the flea market in Jaywick. I went there for a seaside holiday because which boy from Clapham West goes to Jaywick? Seriously ironic, yeah?”
When asked where he proposed to get the slate from Lunarium was ahead of the curve.
“It’s really straightforward man. We just tell all the farmers growing baby cows to leave them alone to live as they did in the wild. They can all start mining slate. Any excess they have they can sell to the restaurants in their area for use as napkins and plates.”
Asked if this wouldn’t upset already established operators supplying crockery to the hospitality industry Rufus was unphased.
“Dude. They can make penny farthings now. It’s totally a win win.”