Following the news that The Daily Coronavirus Update is losing viewers faster than America is running out of MolotovCocktails, BBC producers have paid an undisclosed sum to prise away Ant and Dec from ITV to boost lagging viewing figures.
We don’t know the whole format of the show but we spoke to Ant and/or Dec and they were visibly excited by the new idea. Dec said “This is a huge opportunity for us to bring some fun to this drab programme. We will have games, pranks and big prizes.
The first game on the show will see two contestants with semi-serious Coronavirus symptoms running up the old Travelator from the show Gladiator. The first up the steep moving gradient gets use of the ventilator that’s sitting on top of the platform. We are calling this game “Gladiator!!!!!!!! Travelator!!!!! Ventilator!!!!!. That was Ant’s idea. I love Ant”
Ant (Not Dec) said “It’s going to be crazy. Me and Dec are going to dress up in fat suits and cause absolute bedlam in a Coronavirus hospital ward. Hysterical. Oh, and for anyone worried about Health and Safely, don’t worry. The suits are entirely sealed and me and Dec will be perfectly safe”
Dec shouted something inaudible at us before Ant interrupted and said “Another idea is to have me and Dec in front of a green screen and we will be super imposed skiing up and down the latest line graphs of the daily death rates. Brilliant. Its going to be zany.
And we are going to close the show with a brand new game called “Nursing Home Dash” where a brave member of the public will run through a nursing home without a surgical mask on and they get to grab what they can from the inmates, er… I mean, residents then make it out in 2 minutes. If they survive the 2 minutes they win an all expenses paid trip to an isolation ward for 14 days. It’s going to be mental.”
Before we left, Dec threw a kebab at us.