Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend.

In a response to the first major accident caused by the mistake of a self-driven car, some cars are fighting back at the criticism directed at them.

We spoke to one Self-driven car, a black cab from Hackney in the East End of London, who asked if he could remain anonymous.

“Look mate, for the last couple of years of testin’, I’ve ‘ad ‘umans sitting in the back of me that i wouldn’t trust to boil a faaaacking clothes peg without burning their faaaacking Chalk Farms off. Thick as Tom Tit most of them. Just looking down at their phones, writing things like “Lol” and taking photos of their Betty Swollocks.

“Now I’m not saying that the car over the pond was right for doing what ‘e done, but I think ‘e must have just lost it, now what I mean? Them septics do that quite a lot I’ve ‘eard.

“If you ‘ad this many gormless ‘umans sitting in the back of you talking Jackson Pollocks all day you’d go barking faaacking mad an’ all me old china.

“Now they’re saying you ‘umans ‘ave even elected your leaders because your phones told you so and we’re the faaaacking nutters?

“You don’t see cars running round shooting kids or setting off bombs do ya mate? Anyway, we’re ‘ere. That’ll be £275. I know it’s steep but I had to do the knowledge you know and it’s teaditional innit?

“I’m not a faaackin’ Uber. Them twats should be banned.”