Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 18.7.16/24.7.16

Thanks to a weekend ripped to the tits on PCP, mescaline, cocaine and cheap speed, I have been enduring hideous hallucinations and nightmarish visions, so everyone's horoscopes for the week will be represented by...

Your sometimes weekly horoscopes…

Here are this week's horoscopes. Or are they next week's? Meh. It's all nonsense anyway... Aries Sometimes you might think people are out to get you. They are, you are being stalked and should be very,...

Racists shocked to learn that there are more than two religions

The revelation that there are more religions than just Christianity and Islam has caused mass outbreaks of shock and confusion among racists everywhere, it has been revealed. The existence of other religions such as Buddhism,...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 1.8.16/7.8.16

Apologies for missing last week, but nothing interesting happened in your pathetic lives anyway. And I knew it wouldn't, so I felt I deserved some time off. Anyway, I'm sick of giving my powers...

Remembrance is about forcing poppies on sportsmen, not remembering, says patriot

As November's dark days close in, the annual kerfuffle over who does or does not wear a poppy has erupted.   As usual this has been overdone. Remembrance now seeps backwards into October. Crowds...

Today’s Front Page Stories, at a glance

In a super top secret meeting that took place in Brussels back in June, Jude Law was named as Libya's most dangerous people smuggler. HMS Diamond has been dispatched by the British Navy to...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...
Big Ben

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 4 Big Ben to be renamed...

Next up on our countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 comes a piece of gold from Charlie Stuart that even had a certain Hatie Hopkins foaming at the mouth. Award-winning journalist, British Olympic...

This week’s front pages

100 BBC stars are to be anally probed as punishment for their historical sex crimes, in what the taxman is calling "Operation Free Lego Toy' As the value of the pound plummets, Clarkson is forced...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

'Mr Shifty' Philip Green is exonerated of all wrongdoing when it transpires he is actually a seven year old boy. Forced to wear a pink frock and listen to the band McFly, he is...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 27.6.16/3.7.16

Aries The fall in the value of the pound is just the beginning of your financial woes this week - your pension provider will collapse, leaving you with nothing for your old age. You...

This weeks front pages, at a glance

This weeks news, after a glance at the front pages... Ant and Dec secure trade deal with Australia ahead of 'Hard Brexit'. Tesco set to be first supermarket in UK to stock ostrich anus. Lags in...

Today’s Front Page Stories, at a glance

Poldark lookalike Liam Fox claims UK business is fat and lazy. "Look at those fat lazy business bastards. Gross. HAHAHAHAHAHA." Richard O'Brian lookalike Theresa May announces 'Education Time Warp' to be title song in upcoming...

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