Your sometimes weekly horoscopes…

Here are this week's horoscopes. Or are they next week's? Meh. It's all nonsense anyway... Aries Sometimes you might think people are out to get you. They are, you are being stalked and should be very,...
horoscopes

HorrorScopes

Aries - The Dead Postman Things are looking up for you this week. You break your neck in a car crash on Wednesday. You will be in traction for months. Your lucky thing is the ceiling. Taurus...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 1.8.16/7.8.16

Apologies for missing last week, but nothing interesting happened in your pathetic lives anyway. And I knew it wouldn't, so I felt I deserved some time off. Anyway, I'm sick of giving my powers...

Racists shocked to learn that there are more than two religions

The revelation that there are more religions than just Christianity and Islam has caused mass outbreaks of shock and confusion among racists everywhere, it has been revealed. The existence of other religions such as Buddhism,...
Buzz Aldrin

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 9 Buzz Aldrin says not punching...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas countdown of the most popular articles of the year continues with this beauty from Francis Aston. Originally published on the 3rd of July and retweeted by none other than Nancy Sinatra,...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...
Big Ben

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 4 Big Ben to be renamed...

Next up on our countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 comes a piece of gold from Charlie Stuart that even had a certain Hatie Hopkins foaming at the mouth. Award-winning journalist, British Olympic...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 11.7.17/17.7.16

Aries ? A visit to the dentist will end in both oral and mental discomfort when you wake up early from the completely unnecessary anaesthetic to find him fondling you. The dentist will put this...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 27.6.16/3.7.16

Aries The fall in the value of the pound is just the beginning of your financial woes this week - your pension provider will collapse, leaving you with nothing for your old age. You...

Fireproof cladding found for Westminster cover up

Following years of swingeing corner cutting, government officials anticipate further public outrage and blame as fallout from the Grenfell catastrophe. Luckily a magic money tree has been found to pay for the protective cladding to...

Couple thrilled by second baby have no understanding of its intentions yet

A couple thrilled by the safe arrival of their second baby have no idea of its intentions yet. Nic and Cassie Novella already have a three year old daughter called Allopecia. They have been 'managing...

David Davis to demand the EU forms the next UK government

The first thing Brexiter David Davis will demand of the EU when Brexit discussions begin tomorrow morning will be to take over Britain and form the new UK government. This is a wise move given...

Editorial – A light in the dark for stroke survivors

Here at The Rochdale Herald we support several charities. One of those charities is Different Strokes the UK charity for younger stroke survivors. Today sees the launch of Different Strokes’ Light In The Dark campaign...

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