Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 18.7.16/24.7.16

Thanks to a weekend ripped to the tits on PCP, mescaline, cocaine and cheap speed, I have been enduring hideous hallucinations and nightmarish visions, so everyone's horoscopes for the week will be represented by...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 1.8.16/7.8.16

Apologies for missing last week, but nothing interesting happened in your pathetic lives anyway. And I knew it wouldn't, so I felt I deserved some time off. Anyway, I'm sick of giving my powers...

Your sometimes weekly horoscopes…

Here are this week's horoscopes. Or are they next week's? Meh. It's all nonsense anyway... Aries Sometimes you might think people are out to get you. They are, you are being stalked and should be very,...

This week’s Roboscopes with Mystic Rob. What does this week have in store?

Mystic Rob brings you your Roboscopes for the week ahead Aries - The hair in the plughole. On friday you will be confronted with a very difficult problem. The problem is so difficult that you...
Big Ben

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 4 Big Ben to be renamed...

Next up on our countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 comes a piece of gold from Charlie Stuart that even had a certain Hatie Hopkins foaming at the mouth. Award-winning journalist, British Olympic...

Racists shocked to learn that there are more than two religions

The revelation that there are more religions than just Christianity and Islam has caused mass outbreaks of shock and confusion among racists everywhere, it has been revealed. The existence of other religions such as Buddhism,...

Roboscopes with Mystic Rob – What do the stars have in store for you?

Let our resident astrologer "Mystic Rob" take you on a journey through the stars to see what this week will bring. ARIES - The discarded train ticket. You are in for a blistering weekend. Unfortunately...

Herald’s Handy Handbooks For Ms May: The Gays and their Acronyms

Theresa May says not to worry about DUP views on “LGB….what’s the rest of it?” The Prime Minister met the 1922 Committee of Conservative backbenchers amid controversy over the governments discussions with the Democratic Unionist...
Francis Underwood

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 5 Fictional President held to higher...

Taking fifth place in our countdown of 2017's most popular articles is this biting piece of social commentary from Johnny Wapping, the only dog we have on our staff. The Punning Pooch of...

Couple thrilled by second baby have no understanding of its intentions yet

A couple thrilled by the safe arrival of their second baby have no idea of its intentions yet. Nic and Cassie Novella already have a three year old daughter called Allopecia. They have been 'managing...

Remembrance is about forcing poppies on sportsmen, not remembering, says patriot

As November's dark days close in, the annual kerfuffle over who does or does not wear a poppy has erupted.   As usual this has been overdone. Remembrance now seeps backwards into October. Crowds...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail awarded plum DUP transport contract

World renowned transport provider Southern Rail have been awarded the plum contract of providing locomotion between Belfast and Westminster for DUP politicians. Southern will take care of all transport needs for Arlene Foster and anyone...

Fireproof cladding found for Westminster cover up

Following years of swingeing corner cutting, government officials anticipate further public outrage and blame as fallout from the Grenfell catastrophe. Luckily a magic money tree has been found to pay for the protective cladding to...

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