Continuing our countdown of the top ten most popular articles of 2017 is this expose from Henry Chinaski.

Henry Chinaski is a professional drunk, jimmy-rustler and tramp. His interests include being miserable, making others miserable and general depravity of any kind.

So without further ado, from 31st of October here’s:

“Department of Justice confirms that if indicted Trump will be tried as an adult”

The Department of Justice has confirmed that if and when Donald Trump is indicted for colluding with Russia during the 2016 Presidential election he will have to stand trial as an adult.

The U.S. Department of Justice shocked the United States of America today after announcing that when Donald Trump is indicted as part of Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian involvement in the presidential election the Conmander in Chief will not be permitted to use his reading age and daily temper tantrums as an excuse to face trial as a juvenile.

Trump’s lawyers are understood to have pre-emptively suggested this option to the Department of Justice as a way of minimising culpability when he is inevitably brought before the courts over his involvement. The Department of Justice spokesman Don Twait told us, “a lack of intelligence and frequent petulantly infantile, outbursts on Twitter are not enough to allow someone aged 71 to be tried as a minor, no matter how obviously childish and immature they are.”

Trump is understood to have thrown an entire box of crayons at his legal team when they broke the news. He then locked himself in his bedroom for several hours after shouting, “this is so unfair, I’m the President and nobody ever listens to me. I’m not coming out until they investigate Obama. THERE IS NO COLLUSION. And what about Hillary’s emails? The Democrats are soooo guilty. DO SOMETHING.”

Whitehouse spokespersons were unavailable for comment, but are believed to be trying to coax Donald out of his room with some cookies and milk. The Rochdale Herald will keep you updated with any developments.

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Thomas Thomas is Sub-Editor for The Rochdale Herald. Thomas is proud to support such causes as "Cornwall for Jam First" and "Drop Scones Not Bombs". His personal motto is "Fuck it, why not?"