Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 1.8.16/7.8.16

Apologies for missing last week, but nothing interesting happened in your pathetic lives anyway. And I knew it wouldn't, so I felt I deserved some time off. Anyway, I'm sick of giving my powers...

David Davis to demand the EU forms the next UK government

The first thing Brexiter David Davis will demand of the EU when Brexit discussions begin tomorrow morning will be to take over Britain and form the new UK government. This is a wise move given...
Glastonbury

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Numero Uno – Glastonbury food vendors uproar...

So, here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun, hark The Rochdale Herald sings "Glory to Martin Luther King". Our Top Ten of the most popular articles of 2017 comes to a close with this...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

'Mr Shifty' Philip Green is exonerated of all wrongdoing when it transpires he is actually a seven year old boy. Forced to wear a pink frock and listen to the band McFly, he is...
Big Ben

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 4 Big Ben to be renamed...

Next up on our countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 comes a piece of gold from Charlie Stuart that even had a certain Hatie Hopkins foaming at the mouth. Award-winning journalist, British Olympic...

Remembrance is about forcing poppies on sportsmen, not remembering, says patriot

As November's dark days close in, the annual kerfuffle over who does or does not wear a poppy has erupted.   As usual this has been overdone. Remembrance now seeps backwards into October. Crowds...

Your sometimes weekly horoscopes…

Here are this week's horoscopes. Or are they next week's? Meh. It's all nonsense anyway... Aries Sometimes you might think people are out to get you. They are, you are being stalked and should be very,...

Herald’s Handy Handbooks For Ms May: The Gays and their Acronyms

Theresa May says not to worry about DUP views on “LGB….what’s the rest of it?” The Prime Minister met the 1922 Committee of Conservative backbenchers amid controversy over the governments discussions with the Democratic Unionist...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 11.7.17/17.7.16

Aries ? A visit to the dentist will end in both oral and mental discomfort when you wake up early from the completely unnecessary anaesthetic to find him fondling you. The dentist will put this...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 8 Unemployed mother on benefits knocked...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 continues with this prime example of the art of satire by Quentin D Fortesque. Lord Quentin D Fortesque MDF.DFS.NVQ.GNT. is not only a...
horoscopes

HorrorScopes

Aries - The Dead Postman Things are looking up for you this week. You break your neck in a car crash on Wednesday. You will be in traction for months. Your lucky thing is the ceiling. Taurus...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 20.6.16/26.6.16

Aries On Monday, dreamy Neptune makes it's annual journey through the choppy waters of Pisces and enters your twelfth house, so put aside any thoughts of socialising - otherwise you'll be bitterly disappointed and likely...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 10 “The Queen asks Merkel to...

Kicking us off on our Christmas countdown of the top ten most popular Herald articles of the year is Dick Turnip with "The Queen asks Merkel to form a government". Dick had been working as...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...
Trump Child

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 7 Department of Justice confirms that...

Continuing our countdown of the top ten most popular articles of 2017 is this expose from Henry Chinaski. Henry Chinaski is a professional drunk, jimmy-rustler and tramp. His interests include being miserable, making others miserable...

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