Your sometimes weekly horoscopes…

Here are this week's horoscopes. Or are they next week's? Meh. It's all nonsense anyway... Aries Sometimes you might think people are out to get you. They are, you are being stalked and should be very,...

Editorial – A light in the dark for stroke survivors

Here at The Rochdale Herald we support several charities. One of those charities is Different Strokes the UK charity for younger stroke survivors. Today sees the launch of Different Strokes’ Light In The Dark campaign...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 1.8.16/7.8.16

Apologies for missing last week, but nothing interesting happened in your pathetic lives anyway. And I knew it wouldn't, so I felt I deserved some time off. Anyway, I'm sick of giving my powers...
Jacob Rees Mogg

Scary brexiteer “Mogo” revealed to be a hoax

Jacob Rees-Mogg,known to the internet as "Mogo",the scary haunted Victorian doll,has been revealed to be a hoax. Pictures of Mogo have been popping up on various political media, with...

Remembrance is about forcing poppies on sportsmen, not remembering, says patriot

As November's dark days close in, the annual kerfuffle over who does or does not wear a poppy has erupted.   As usual this has been overdone. Remembrance now seeps backwards into October. Crowds...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 18.7.16/24.7.16

Thanks to a weekend ripped to the tits on PCP, mescaline, cocaine and cheap speed, I have been enduring hideous hallucinations and nightmarish visions, so everyone's horoscopes for the week will be represented by...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail awarded plum DUP transport contract

World renowned transport provider Southern Rail have been awarded the plum contract of providing locomotion between Belfast and Westminster for DUP politicians. Southern will take care of all transport needs for Arlene Foster and anyone...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...
horoscopes

HorrorScopes

Aries - The Dead Postman Things are looking up for you this week. You break your neck in a car crash on Wednesday. You will be in traction for months. Your lucky thing is the ceiling. Taurus...

Racists shocked to learn that there are more than two religions

The revelation that there are more religions than just Christianity and Islam has caused mass outbreaks of shock and confusion among racists everywhere, it has been revealed. The existence of other religions such as Buddhism,...
Buzz Aldrin

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 9 Buzz Aldrin says not punching...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas countdown of the most popular articles of the year continues with this beauty from Francis Aston. Originally published on the 3rd of July and retweeted by none other than Nancy Sinatra,...

Roboscopes with Mystic Rob – What do the stars have in store for you?

Let our resident astrologer "Mystic Rob" take you on a journey through the stars to see what this week will bring. ARIES - The discarded train ticket. You are in for a blistering weekend. Unfortunately...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 10 “The Queen asks Merkel to...

Kicking us off on our Christmas countdown of the top ten most popular Herald articles of the year is Dick Turnip with "The Queen asks Merkel to form a government". Dick had been working as...

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