Roboscopes with Mystic Rob – What do the stars have in store for you?

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Let our resident astrologer "Mystic Rob" take you on a journey through the stars to see what this week will bring. ARIES - The discarded train ticket. You are in for a blistering weekend. Unfortunately...

Mystic Rob explains what the stars have in store for you this week

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Our resident astrologer "Mystic Rob" guides you through the week ahead. Aries - The Casio watch. You have trouble opening a new bottle of tomato ketchup on Tuesday. After a bit of...
horoscopes

HorrorScopes

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Aries - The Dead Postman Things are looking up for you this week. You break your neck in a car crash on Wednesday. You will be in traction for months. Your lucky thing is the ceiling. Taurus...

David Davis to demand the EU forms the next UK government

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The first thing Brexiter David Davis will demand of the EU when Brexit discussions begin tomorrow morning will be to take over Britain and form the new UK government. This is a wise move given...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 27.6.16/3.7.16

Aries The fall in the value of the pound is just the beginning of your financial woes this week - your pension provider will collapse, leaving you with nothing for your old age. You...

This week’s front pages, at a glance

'Mr Shifty' Philip Green is exonerated of all wrongdoing when it transpires he is actually a seven year old boy. Forced to wear a pink frock and listen to the band McFly, he is...
Aunty Angela

Aunty Angela’s Agony Corner

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Dear Aunty Angela, I think my husband is cheating on me. We've been married for 15 years. He works in advertising and his job requires him to be away from home a lot. I'm a...

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 8 Unemployed mother on benefits knocked...

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The Rochdale Herald Christmas countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 continues with this prime example of the art of satire by Quentin D Fortesque. Lord Quentin D Fortesque MDF.DFS.NVQ.GNT. is not only a...
Big Ben

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 4 Big Ben to be renamed...

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Next up on our countdown of the most popular articles of 2017 comes a piece of gold from Charlie Stuart that even had a certain Hatie Hopkins foaming at the mouth. Award-winning journalist, British Olympic...

Terrorist response strategy in disarray after meeting room mix up

Today's COBRA meeting had to be abandoned after it was discovered that Cabinet Office Briefing Room A had already been booked by Trevor from HR. The HR meeting could not be moved because, by...

Remembrance is about forcing poppies on sportsmen, not remembering, says patriot

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As November's dark days close in, the annual kerfuffle over who does or does not wear a poppy has erupted.   As usual this has been overdone. Remembrance now seeps backwards into October. Crowds...

Editorial – A light in the dark for stroke survivors

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Here at The Rochdale Herald we support several charities. One of those charities is Different Strokes the UK charity for younger stroke survivors. Today sees the launch of Different Strokes’ Light In The Dark campaign...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 18.7.16/24.7.16

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Thanks to a weekend ripped to the tits on PCP, mescaline, cocaine and cheap speed, I have been enduring hideous hallucinations and nightmarish visions, so everyone's horoscopes for the week will be represented by...

Weekly Horoscopes With Olivia Astro – 20.6.16/26.6.16

Aries On Monday, dreamy Neptune makes it's annual journey through the choppy waters of Pisces and enters your twelfth house, so put aside any thoughts of socialising - otherwise you'll be bitterly disappointed and likely...
Newcastle

The Rochdale Herald Christmas Top Ten – Number 6 Met Office alert after sighting...

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Next up in our countdown of the year's most popular articles is the second entry in the Top Ten from our Editor in Chief, Quentin D Fortesque. It's a little known fact but Quentin, or...

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