Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

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Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have been holding back British industry. "We need to take back control...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

44
When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

Britain to join new ‘European Federation’ after Brexit

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EXCLUSIVE: With Britain poised to trigger Article 50 and put the wheels irreversibly in motion to finally leave the European Union, a leaked home office email reveals government plans post Brexit. The email, which was forwarded...

Heavily armed men in masks carrying clubs burn homes in Northern France

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A large group of heavily armed men carrying clubs and guns attacked and burned the homes of several thousand people in Northern France yesterday evening. Reports are emerging that the masked attackers abducted hundreds of...

Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory

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The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on membership of the European Union, it was announced Sunday. Speaking to...
Putin

David Cameron becomes Hero of the Russian Federation

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The Kremlin announced today that David Cameron is to be recognised as a Hero of the Russian Federation, the highest honour that can be bestowed by President Putin. The announcement followed immediately after Theresa May...
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

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News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa May ordered the ordinance dropped on the German city to...

No Government is better than a bad Government Italy tells UK

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Italian President, Sergio Mattarella has told the UK that having no Government is better than having a bad Government following the Italian people electing to go with none of the above in the most recent election. The Herald...

Farage takes on Eurovision

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In a shock move today, the rubber faced, racist, people's champion Nigel Farage has announced his intentions to represent Great Britain in next year's Eurovision Song Contest . Herr Farage, who has been a long...

Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU

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In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.

Greta Thunberg urges politicians to think of the planet they are leaving for Keith...

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Greta Thunberg has urged politicians to consider the planet they are leaving for Keith Richards when making policies that affect the climate. Speaking just before she set sail for Spain Thunberg said, "I am sailing...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to piss off in person

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Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss off in person. Theresa May is said to be very excited...
Angela Merkel

Merkel Pulls Out of EU Security Council Talks as There’s No German Word for...

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Angela Merkel broke off talks with the EU's British Security Commissioner this week that were about the worsening crisis affecting the free movement of people.
Trump

You had some very fine people on both sides, Trump tells D-Day veterans

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Donald Trump has told D-Day veterans that there were very fine people on both sides of the battles to control the Normandy Beaches during World War Two during a press conference in Portsmouth today.  Speaking...
TRUMP POLE DANCERS

Trump hails Polish culture saying “Pole dancers are the best, I’m a huge fan,...

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US President Donald Trump Thursday attempted to cement US-Polish relations in a speech delivered in the Polish capital Warsaw on the first day of a four day European tour. Speaking in front of a large...

“I wasn’t wanking, I was self-isolating.” Paris Mayor candidate caught on video.

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Benjamin Griveaux dropped out of the race to become the next Mayor of Paris after video emerged appearing to show him making love to Mrs Fist and her five lovely daughters. Monsieur Griveaux insists that...

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