Sweetened hazelnut cocoa spread joins all the other things the frogs are hopping mad about

News broke this week that the French, yes, that lot over there with le hoh hee hoh hee hoh, have been rioting again, and it’s nothing to do with a shortage of onions to chomp.  We contacted René Artois, a Frenchman, to find out more:

“Well, you know, we have a long tradition, dating back to at least Charles de Gaulle, of taking le piss out of les Americans.  I mean le General, bien sur, although mais oui, we built l’aeroport pour take le piss aussi.”

“So, although l’orange over zere has increased his popularity en France with ze stormy affair with ze fallen Madonna with ze big boobies, nous are not to be out done.  So avec his silly petit amis rioting avec la torche pour le patio, dans le stupid beige slacks, well, of course, nous French have to do show ‘ow it is done.”

“So, nous avons un great big riot pour compete about who gets to take les sweet brown things pour put dans their maison, even though les American think this is nutty to like anything brown.”

At the time of writing, the French had been rioting for four days straight, although this may be because that is the length of time it takes the notoriously vampirephobic nation to taste anything through the residual garlic.

It is thought that this is the tenth French riot this year as the cheese eaters struggle to keep pace with President Macron’s pledge to go one for one with US school shootings.

Meanwhile, back in Rochdale, 52% of the letters to the Editor expressed their full support for the reporting line taken in this article and would like garçon to bring them a gammon steak with pineapple tout suite s’il vous ruddy plait.

Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?