As news broke that Harry and Meghan have decided to quit their jobs to spend less time with their family, the country braced itself for what might happen next. Some things are easily predicted. You know the most tedious bloke at work will be saying “Megxit, geddit??!” for a good month or more.

But what of the media? How might the nation’s press respond to the implication that they are now to blame for a second Princess crashing out of the Royal family?

Rather than focus on the dangers of bringing up a young child in close proximity to a suspected paedophile Uncle, they continued to darkly express dark views on Meghan.

Sarah Vine, who constantly vies with husband Michael Gove to be the least pleasant person in their marriage, felt readers of the Mail might be interested in her opinion. What happened to the Prince Harry and Meghan that we fell in love with, she bleated, as a follow up to her previous stream of abuse? Sorry Sarah, but the sole positive your so-called journalism brings to Harry and Meghan, and indeed the rest of us, is to give comfort to couples across the land that their marriages could be worse.

Her ill-thought out patter didn’t include an explanation of the Royal rota, so we will explain that. The following bastions of accurate reporting have the right to exclusively cover Royal events, namely The Sun (for engagements in Liverpool); The Daily Mail (for political events involving uniforms and marching); The Daily Express (for extreme weather events); The Evening Standard (for Royals taking multiple jobs that couldn’t possibly conflict with their primary roles); The Telegraph (for the PM’s opinion); and the Times (for Sun readers who can afford to shop in Waitrose).

Whilst Sarah Vine may seem to think that Meghan’s melanin means she should be able to cope with the Sun better, with that group writing about you, might you also wish to retire from public life?