Hot on the news that she is expecting her third child Channel 4 has announced that the Duchess of Cambridge is to present a special royal edition of Bake Off.
“This is a unique opportunity to combine the “Bake off” and “Royal Family” brands in an unforgettable confectionary experience explained a Channel 4 spokesperson Victoria Sponge.
“She’s always been famous as a nice bit of crumpet, even after her glacé cherry was popped, and now she’s had a right royal forking, her eggs have been beaten until they’re stiff, there’s royal icing on her buns, and one of them is in the oven – what better opportunity could there be?” She asked.
The “Right Royal Bake Off” as it will be titled, is tentatively scheduled to be filmed in November and aired over the Christmas holiday.
“We’re confident that by that time the Duchess will be over her morning sickness, her soggy bottom will have firmed up, her dough will have risen nicely and she’ll have a nice honey glazed look in her eyes,” said Sponge.
The special one-off will also see the return of presenters Mel and Sue, and judge Mary Berry.
“We did think of asking Sandi Toksvig and Noel Fielding but we thought one set of jammy lady’s fingers would be enough,” said Sponge explaining that Fielding would only agree to appear if he could wear his poncho, which the producers though was too ‘tackoey’.
A spokesman for Mary Berry confirmed that she had agreed to judge the Royal special on condition that filming does not clash with her latest project, “Premier Spit Roast” in which teams of two premiership footballers plus a lady friend stagger in from a late night clubbing and attempt to produce the perfect spit roasted dinner, and that that the producers do not introduce any “fancy tricks” in an effort to boost ratings.
“Mary’s hoping to showcase some material from her other new venture – an agency specialising in ribald double entendres for use by TV presenters, so we need to be sure that apart from the Duchess, she’s the only cunning stunt on display,” she winked furiously.