EU chief negotiator Michel Barnier Monday warned that Brussels could take the unusual step of dropping leaflets explaining the dangers of the UK leaving the single market on all UK towns and cities if the government continues to refuse to explain the implications of hard Brexit.
“The common British people have a thirst for knowledge about what hard Brexit will entail, that the government is refusing to meet,” cautioned Barnier pointing out that while most conservative MPs and ministers may have dads who are loaded and are unlikely to suffer from the expected economic crash, the common British people will most likely be screwed.
However his warning of an aerial bombardment of fact bearing reading material cut little ice with the head of the UK negotiating team David Davies who pointed out that most Brits who voted for Brexit come from low educational backgrounds and haven’t read anything longer than a headline in the Daily Express since leaving school.
“Seriously, they don’t need to pretend they never went to school – if it doesn’t involve smoking fags, playing pool, dancing, drinking and screwing then they won’t even notice ‘aaareeeet’,” he laughed, in a particularly bad impersonation of a Sunderland accent.
Indeed, he pointed out, the imminent airborne inundation could have hidden benefits.
“Barnier’s leaflets will spell boom days for the pulp sector, and that’s even before the ‘post Brexit economic adjustment’ makes all the paper sterling notes worthless,” smirked Davis fingering a large wad of Euros and share certificates for a raft of paper recycling companies.
“The plain fact is that the common British people have nothing to fear from Brexit – Britain, our green and pleasant land will endure, there will still be fags and pool, flats to rent above shops and of course roaches climbing the walls,” he cooed.
“Just don’t bank on the church clock ever being fixed or there being honey still for tea – we’ve killed all our bees with neonicotinoid weed-killers and the only honey we can get comes from Europe,” he laughed.