News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK’s favourite synonym for taking a dump is now “off to free Tommy Robinson.”

According to experts at Rochdale’s Community University the synonym replaces “dropping the kids off at the pool” which had held the top spot for almost three decades.

“Well he had to be good for something.” Professor Briane Cocks told The Rochdale Herald.

“You can hear yourself saying to a colleague in a jokey way ‘I’m just off to free Tommy Robinson’ on a morning. I think this synonym could really work.”

“It works on many levels. I’ve just stepped in a dog Tommy or I have warm Tommy running down the back of my leg or even Old Trafford is a right Tommy Hole.”

The petition to have the damp sensation experienced when you’ve just been for wee but put it away before you’ve properly finished named a Yaxley-Lennon has raised half a million signatures in 6 hours.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.