H revealed to be H in shocking Line of Duty twist

In a shocking plot twist the mysterious crime boss 'H' has been revealed to be H in the finale of Line of Duty In a move that left viewers...

Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us, "It's been a tiring year. In the summer I stood...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious Tweeting. The runty Rottweiler once fronted the Poundland version of...

Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’

In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, is doing a sponsored spell in prison over the nest few months. He'll be asking...
Man holding a gun

Mass shootings ‘fact of life’ says only country where mass shootings happen

Ralph H. Ick, head of the Texas branch of the NRA made the shocking statement yesterday after seven children were slain and three were left in a critical condition after a school shooting that...

Rochdale mum binge watched Netflix documentaries and is now blood spatter expert

52 year old mother of two Janice Longthorne has spent so many hours watching Netflix shows such as 'Making a Murderer' (seasons one and two) and 'The Staircase' that she now believes she is...

Government to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons

The Government has announced plans to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons. The announcement comes after the successful conclusion of a recent trial of the system in Wiltshire and Hertfordshire. The Government...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...

Ugly scenes in Rochdale Waitrose as champagne socialists panic buy Brie and Balsamic Vinegar

Things took a turn for the decidedly unpleasant at the plush new Waitrose store in Rochdale's upmarket Shawclough Road area this afternoon as a spate of panic buying quickly escalated into bitter violence, looting...
Clown

Police advise public to ‘grow up’ over rise in clown related call outs

Police call handlers up and down the country have been inundated with calls from concerned citizens in relation to a bizzare new craze in which people stalk the streets dressed as a clown. Caroline Blunkett,...

‘Fake Sheikh’ Gets 15 Months For Making Obscene Phone Calls

Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone calls in contravention of the Communications Act 2003.   Mr McNood,...

Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse

Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army whistleblower Chelsea Manning. Lawyers for Assange have stated that he intends...

Man beaten white and gold by the Police

We at the Rochdale Herald really liked this headline but couldn't think of a way of making even slightly believable. What follows is some made up tripe about a load of crap that makes no...

Prison not a muslamic themed holiday camp after all says Paul Golding

Paul Golding, hero of the Free British Peoples and shiny-faced wankpuffin, has told Britain Furst colleagues that it turns out prisons are not "Butlins holiday camps for Pakis" after all. The revelation came as Mr...

Unmasked – The Real Jack the Ripper

The question of the identity of the serial killer known as ‘The Whitechapel Murderer’, ‘Leather Apron’ or, most famously Jack the Ripper has been hotly contested since the culprit first brought terror to the...
Criminal have pixelated faces

Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime

A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition to criminal activity. Professor Robyn Banks of Rochdale Community College told...

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