Man holding a gun

America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...

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Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from...

Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population

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The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive...

Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

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Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

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Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

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A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at...
Toddler Prisoner

Government plans to lower age of criminal responsibility to 2 YEARS OLD

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To help with the deficit, the government will be lowering the age of criminal responsibility to 2. The age of criminal responsibility is currently...
Cat's Eyes

Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes

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The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...

Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army...

Black Cops to shoot unarmed white civilians in controversial Charlotte anti-racism plan

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Charlotte Police Department have unveiled a controversial yet utterly foolproof plan to combat claims that their police force is institutionally racist. They're going to let...
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

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A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several...

Government to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons

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The Government has announced plans to cut costs by putting prisoners in charge of prisons. The announcement comes after the successful conclusion of a...
Angry Man Shouting

Dyslexic holocaust denier accused of being anti-semantic

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"It's them Joos again!" exclaimed Noel Iteracy. "I hate Joos, except Orange Juice, they was a good band, but Big Country was huge twats...
UK Police

Rising crime and falling numbers of police are incredible coincidence, insists Downing Street

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Rising crime rates and the falling numbers of policemen on the streets are just an amazing coincidence and are in no way related, sources...

Women Still Not Going Down Regularly Enough Say Men

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The most recent figures for the UK Prison Population gender gap show men getting sent down at record levels with women going down barely...

Men warned not to date clever & pretty girls who might get “a bit...

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A Judge has warned men that they only have themselves to blame if they date very clever, very pretty girls who are "a bit...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Paul Golding Christmas Carol

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Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think...

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