Cocaine price plummets after death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson

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The National Crime Agency has warned MP's that the Class A drug is 'set to flood the market' after the untimely death of Tara...

Unnamed Rochdale MP to be charged with being drunk in charge of a mobility...

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An as yet unnamed MP for Rochdale has allegedly been arrested for being drunk in charge of a mobility scooter. Police were called in the...

Rochdale trolley collector quits job, anaesthetises pigeon and cuts off let to pursue career...

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A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate. Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a...

Women Still Not Going Down Regularly Enough Say Men

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The most recent figures for the UK Prison Population gender gap show men getting sent down at record levels with women going down barely...

5000 American tourists arrested for ‘hostile reconnaissance’.

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The Metropolitan Police Hostile Reconnaissance Unit has arrested more than 5,000 American tourists in the last two days.

Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe

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There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.
Police

Expansion of stop and search powers opposed by MPs and other criminals

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Leaked Home Office document shows that the high concentration of police at the entrance to Parliament could lead to unprecedented levels of stop and...

US police to swear allegiance directly to Trump and be called the Orange Shirts

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In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of...
Policing

Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners

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Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in...

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

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Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a...
Kanye West

Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye

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The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in...
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Paul Golding Christmas Carol

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Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think...
Cat's Eyes

Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes

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The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...

Man behind Anonymous turns out to be 13 year old boy from Rochdale

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Fans of computer hacker extrordinaires and Internet fighters for justice, Anonymous, will be feeling very let down today with the news that the mastermind...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

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A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

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 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...

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