Hillsborough

Hillsborough survivors reassure families of Grenfell Tower victims that justice will be swift

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Hillsborough a fine benchmark. Reports are reaching Herald HQ that Grenfell survivors paused on their way out of the tower to loot the dead. They then joined the drunken firemen and other first responders in...

EDL firebombs PC World in Rochdale town centre

1
The computer superstore PC World, this morning lies in tatters as a pile of smouldering rubble following a devastating attack last night.  The trouble began early yesterday when the EDL and Britain First Facebook pages...
Clown

Police advise public to ‘grow up’ over rise in clown related call outs

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Police call handlers up and down the country have been inundated with calls from concerned citizens in relation to a bizzare new craze in which people stalk the streets dressed as a clown. Caroline Blunkett,...

Rochdale trolley collector quits job, anaesthetises pigeon and cuts off let to pursue career...

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A Rochdale man has today spoken exclusively to the Herald about his short-lived career as a pirate. Captain Lidl Beard had been working as a trolley collector at The Rochdale branch of Lidl until quitting...

America relieved NYC bomber a terrorist and not a white guy

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The United States was relieved to hear that the explosion that ripped through NYC earlier in the week wasn't the act of a lone wolf or somebody with a mental illness but probably a...
Peter McCallister

Peter McCallister found dead after triggering booby trap

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Peter McCallister, has been found dead at the foot of his stairs within his home 671 Lincoln Avenue, Winnetka, Illinois. The Police are treating the death of father of five as suspicious. Detective Paul Simmons...

Jeremy Hunt victim of cruel nominative determinism sting operation

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?UK health secretary Jeremy Hunt has fallen victim to a cruel nominative determinism sting operation perpetrated by an East European cockney rhyming slang gang, a spokesman for Scotland Yard revealed in a press conference...
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

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A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several passengers watched him drink a whole mug of tea without...

Jeremy Vine in road rage incident.

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Television and radio opinion blower Jeremy Vine was subjected to a road rage incident while cycling to work in London yesterday.  He was followed and accosted by the driver of a car who believed he...
Rochdale paramedics

Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist

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The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man with the caption "terrorist" sent him over the edge. News broke...
Boy with toy machine gun isolated on a white background

That’s how you know you’ve fucked up No.72. Mass Shootings a Daily Occurence

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America, land of the brave and home of the free as well as Donald Trump & Charles Manson, hit an important milestone this week. Mass shootings in the USA are now officially a daily...
Free Tommy Robinson

‘Off to free Tommy Robinson’ replaces ‘dropping kids off at the pool’ as UK’s...

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News is just in that spot poll of everybody in the UK has revealed today that the UK's favourite synonym for taking a dump is now "off to free Tommy Robinson." According to experts at...

Forensics Team called after Amber Rudd murders her career

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd sounded like your mate's racist pissed wife at a children's Christmas party during her speech yesterday. West Midlands Police have said the Home Secretary's speech to last year's Conservative Party conference...

Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker

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Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker. In a statesman, a pokes person for the forceps told us there saying they...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...

Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office

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Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the party today. Current investigations into the alleged attempts to rig Libor...

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