Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

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Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was...
magistrates court

Teenager with first name ‘Giggs’ finally, inevitably, murders his father.

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Giggs Johnson (17) was found guilty of murdering his father at Rochdale Court yesterday. In an unusual move the foreman of the jury addressed...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

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The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police...
Police

US Police Departments to consider offering black suspects running start before shooting them

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Following several nights of violence and riots across the United States in response to the death of George Floyd US police departments are said...
Peter McCallister

Peter McCallister found dead after triggering booby trap

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Peter McCallister, has been found dead at the foot of his stairs within his home 671 Lincoln Avenue, Winnetka, Illinois. The Police are treating the...

Man beaten white and gold by the Police

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We at the Rochdale Herald really liked this headline but couldn't think of a way of making even slightly believable. What follows is some made...

Deranged cycle path murders his spell checker

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Rochdale police have announced they have comprehended and changed a man in his fortes for the brittle killing of his spell checker. In a statesman, a...
Cat's Eyes

Traffic chaos as ALF steal M62 cat’s eyes

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The M62 was plunged into chaos last night following the removal of nearly 500 cat's eyes from the motorway at Junction 20 by the...

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

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The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man...

Donald Trump arrested for vandalism after smashing own star

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News broke a short while ago that Donald Trump's celebrity star had been smashed to bits on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A Mexican man...

Tommy Robinson fitted with Cone of Shame

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Ex-EDL frontman turned solo hate preacher, Tommy Robinson, has become the first human to be fitted with a "cone of shame." Medical professionals deemed the...
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

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A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several...

Intentional explosions totally different to terror

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After around 30 people were injured, many more shocked and people consequently feeling terrified, New York officials are keen to point out that the...

Unmasked – The Real Jack the Ripper

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The question of the identity of the serial killer known as ‘The Whitechapel Murderer’, ‘Leather Apron’ or, most famously Jack the Ripper has been...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

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Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the...
Terroist

ISIS Claim Responsibility for Chimney Destruction in Kent

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So called ISIS or Islamic State today sensationally claimed responsibility for the destruction of the the Grain Power Station Chimney in Kent. In a Facebook...

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