The National Crime Agency has warned MP’s that the Class A drug is ‘set to flood the market’ after the untimely death of Tara Palmer Tomkinson.
A spokesman said;
“Sales of the Class A drug are set to flood the market.”
A better spokesman said;
“We estimate that Miss Tomkinson accounted for around 95% of all the cocaine bought in the UK. With her gone prices will plummet as demand drops and dealers try to re-establish a market.
The plastic nosed socialite, Daniella Westbrook, is said to be ‘thrilled’ with the news but ‘not about the Tara dying bit obvs’.
MP’s are now tabling a motion to have the drug updated to Class A+ status, an unprecedented move which will see offenders given whole life sentences for possession.
However Members of Parliament will be excluded from the increased sentences for ‘matters of national security.’