Crime

A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was sentenced this morning after being found guilty of sixteen thousand...

Top US officials today confirmed that security company G4S have been granted the contract to oversee all operations in the somewhat controversial detention centre Guantanamo Bay. A spokesman for Guantanamo told us today that they...

Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...

In a shocking plot twist the mysterious crime boss 'H' has been revealed to be H in the finale of Line of Duty In a move that left viewers stunned the former pop icon Ian...

Ex-EDL frontman turned solo hate preacher, Tommy Robinson, has become the first human to be fitted with a "cone of shame." Medical professionals deemed the pioneering move necessary after a video emerged of Mr. Robinson...

The head of the Mafia, 4 Tony's Tony is definitely not part of the Mafia after a jury made up of members of the Mafia found him innocent yesterday. 4 Tony's lawyer told us, "My...

The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in no way affiliated with or agree with the views of...

A former chocolate delivery man broke into dozens of women’s homes over a 50 year period leaving unwanted chocolates and creepy handwritten notes. Gary Myers, 76 from Middleton in Lancashire, was jailed for 30 months after...

A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article is for the use of tabloid writers when a woman...

Fans of computer hacker extrordinaires and Internet fighters for justice, Anonymous, will be feeling very let down today with the news that the mastermind behind the whole thing is actually a 13-year-old spotty teenager...

A popular Rochdale prison is to hold an open day this July to help spread awareness of the work they do. HM Prison Buckley Hall is a Category C men's prison in the Buckley district...

A new selection process has been announced for assigning judges to trials, taking into account both gender and aesthetics. This move will see all beautiful young women judged in future by ugly middle-aged women,...

News is emerging that 1990's TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European Convention on Human Rights. The TV stars, real names Bratislav...

In the not too distant past, school shootings were the stuff of tabloid dreams, but in a post Sandy Hook world, the circumstances of your child’s death could leave them, and you, gasping for...

News broke a short while ago that Donald Trump's celebrity star had been smashed to bits on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A Mexican man carrying a sledgehammer was arrested shortly after the event but...

Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from Milwaukee, was live streaming himself closing his store for the...