Brian Cox

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.

Men warned not to date clever & pretty girls who might get “a bit...

A Judge has warned men that they only have themselves to blame if they date very clever, very pretty girls who are "a bit stabby." Judge Salted Pringle said that male victims often have themselves...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...
Kanye West

Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye

The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in no way affiliated with or agree with the views of...

Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’

In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, is doing a sponsored spell in prison over the nest few months. He'll be asking...
Burkina

Outrage as women flout Burkini ban on Rochdale beach

Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members of the public walking their dogs were distressed to see...

Wanker punches Dickhead. Dickhead in serious condition

News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a public statement after being named in the so called “Dirty...

Rochdale man jailed for putting milk in tea before taking out teabag

A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was sentenced this morning after being found guilty of sixteen thousand...

Basil Brush on the defensive as police release CCTV image of ‘Croydon Cat Killer’

Television celebrity Basil Brush has been forced to reject allegations that he is responsible for the gruesome deaths of over 400 cats across London and the Home Counties.  Earlier today, the Metropolitan Police announced that it was...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten off with a premium sex toy. The attacker forced his way...

Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise

Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of vegans rioting. There has been widespread looting in independent fruit and...

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police diverted from their tactic of arresting people under out of...

Tommy Robinson fitted with Cone of Shame

Ex-EDL frontman turned solo hate preacher, Tommy Robinson, has become the first human to be fitted with a "cone of shame." Medical professionals deemed the pioneering move necessary after a video emerged of Mr. Robinson...

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...

The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.
Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald found dead close to his home

The beloved obesity peddler Ronald McDonald was found dead in the street in the early hours of this morning. The cause of death is unknown but locals believe he was beaten to death due...

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