A Rochdale man has been jailed for seven years for crimes against tea, it has been reported today.

Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was sentenced this morning after being found guilty of sixteen thousand counts of putting milk in his tea before taking out the teabag and thirty two thousand counts of leaving teabags in the sink.

Speaking to reporters outside the High Court in Milnrow Lancashire, Rochdale’s Chief Inspector Percy Plod said:

“Steve is a monster and I hope he stays in prison forever. You can’t go around microwaving cold tea or putting milk in the mug before you take out the bag.”

“What’s next killing puppies? Murder? Not putting a used teabag in the bin, or even worse giving it a squeeze before dumping it in the sink are gateway crimes and a sure sign of a twisted, evil mind.”

“I’m just glad that we got Steve off the streets before he could go on to commit further atrocities.”