Rochdale Crown Court today saw the conclusion of the now infamous “Scatter Cushion Slaying” case.

The accused, Abraham Smith (54), from the Sink Estate pleaded guilty to stabbing his wife of 22 years 67 times after she returned home from the BHS closing down sale with, and we quote, “another 4 fucking scatters”.

Smith explained to the jury that the latest purchase meant the total of pillows now on his matrimonial bed was 24. And every day they had to be removed to get into bed then replaced in the morning exactly in order of size and shape, and enough was enough. 

“I simply snapped, grabbed the carving knife and stabbed her repeatedly then threw every last goddamn cushion out the window.”

Although pleading guilty the jury decided to free Mr Smith on grounds of compassion.

As Smith walked free from the court a crowd of angry female protestors threw Laura Ashly fabric samples at him and he had to be escorted away for his and their own safety

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