Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

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A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...

Jacob Rees-Mogg snapped drinking mead on the night bus

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Haunted hatstand Jacob Rees-Mogg has been forced to issue an apology today after he was snapped drinking mead on the night bus on Tuesday.  The...

Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise

3
Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

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A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson wins coveted softest mouth in Hull prison award

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Tommy Robinson has been voted HMP Hull's softest mouth award. Mr Robinson will be awarded the prize in a ceremony to be held on the...
Criminal have pixelated faces

Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime

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A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

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Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Brian Cox

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

21
Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.
Socks and a tie on Rochdale man's Christmas list

Paul Golding Christmas Carol

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Jingle Bells My cell smells It's gloomy and its rank I only pissed some Muslims off Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey Jingle Bells This is hell I don't think...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

3
In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.

Man kills woman

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A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article...
magistrates court

Teenager with first name ‘Giggs’ finally, inevitably, murders his father.

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Giggs Johnson (17) was found guilty of murdering his father at Rochdale Court yesterday. In an unusual move the foreman of the jury addressed...

NYPD Target Leprechaun Community After $1m Bucket of Gold Stolen

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NYPD are looking for a thief who managed to carry an 86lb (36kg) bucket of gold flakes worth $1.6m (£1.2m) off a truck in...

Basil Brush on the defensive as police release CCTV image of ‘Croydon Cat Killer’

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Television celebrity Basil Brush has been forced to reject allegations that he is responsible for the gruesome deaths of over 400 cats across London and the...
Policing

Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners

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Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in...

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