Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...

Sir Philip Green in Robin Hood Shocker

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Serial cash withdrawer Sir Philip Green has caused fresh controversy today with claims that revered British folk hero Robin Hood was the' worst sort...

Forensics Team called after Amber Rudd murders her career

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd sounded like your mate's racist pissed wife at a children's Christmas party during her speech yesterday. West Midlands Police have said...
Police

Amber Rudd confirms extra police will be provided from Magic Bobby Tree

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The Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, said “The Met have deployed extra police to reassure communities especially those observing Ramadan." This is the fourth time...
Angry White Man Daily Mail

Government hires Daily Mail readers to beef up security strategy

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Downing Street has announced plans to employ Daily Mail readers as a team of specialist civilian advisers as it steps up efforts to improve...

Rochdale Murderer Caught

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There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed...

Nelson Mandela House in Peckham Evacuated After 20,000 Litres of Luminous Paint Found in...

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Hundreds of residents of Nelson Mandela House in Peckham have been evacuated after 20,000 Litres of highly flammable, luminous yellow paint was found stockpiled...

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

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Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a...

Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack

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Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...

An analysis of the situation regarding the shooting down of MH17

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The West: Well, Russia. What do have to say for yourself?  Russia: Vot? I don't know vot you are talking about.  The West: That missile!...

US police to swear allegiance directly to Trump and be called the Orange Shirts

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In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

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Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the...

Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office

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Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the...

Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

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Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was...
Criminal have pixelated faces

Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime

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A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...
Terroist

ISIS Claim Responsibility for Chimney Destruction in Kent

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So called ISIS or Islamic State today sensationally claimed responsibility for the destruction of the the Grain Power Station Chimney in Kent. In a Facebook...

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