Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year. In a telephone call Mr Assange told us,...
Old man smoking

Police find cannabis farm at Rochdale old folks home

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Cannabis plants have been uncovered at 'Bright Horizons' home for the elderly, Kirkholt, this morning. Police describe the haul as a kick in the...

Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW

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A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...

Unmasked – The Real Jack the Ripper

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The question of the identity of the serial killer known as ‘The Whitechapel Murderer’, ‘Leather Apron’ or, most famously Jack the Ripper has been...
Burkina

Outrage as women flout Burkini ban on Rochdale beach

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Police were called yesterday afternoon after a large group of women were caught flouting the controversial "Burkini Ban" on Rochdale's world famous Stansfield Beach. Members...

Daily Mail Editor suicidal with remorse over Jo Cox murder immigrant headline jibe

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There were scenes of jubilation around the country this afternoon after Paul Dacre "did the decent thing" and shot himself with a revolver after drinking half a bottle of scotch at Northcliffe House.

South Yorkshire Police arrest tree during tree felling protest

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The long standing dispute over the unpopular and legally dubious felling of Sheffield street trees took a bizarre new turn when South Yorkshire Police...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.

Women Still Not Going Down Regularly Enough Say Men

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The most recent figures for the UK Prison Population gender gap show men getting sent down at record levels with women going down barely...
Milk Tray Man

Milk Tray man jailed for breaking and entering

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A former chocolate delivery man broke into dozens of women’s homes over a 50 year period leaving unwanted chocolates and creepy handwritten notes. Gary Myers, 76...

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

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The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...

Banks Punish Entrepreneurs For Brexit

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Our Finance and Business correspondent, Scott Zsalt, was livid today after failing to get support from a major bank due to the fallout from...

Racial profiling proves racist police guilty of racial profiling

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Two Florida police officers have been found guilty of being racially prejudiced in a Facebook trial. The damning evidence came when it was pointed...

NYPD Target Leprechaun Community After $1m Bucket of Gold Stolen

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NYPD are looking for a thief who managed to carry an 86lb (36kg) bucket of gold flakes worth $1.6m (£1.2m) off a truck in...

Black Cops to shoot unarmed white civilians in controversial Charlotte anti-racism plan

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Charlotte Police Department have unveiled a controversial yet utterly foolproof plan to combat claims that their police force is institutionally racist. They're going to let...
Rioters

Riots as Car Boot Sales End

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Riots have broken out across England as towns and villages end car boot sales for the winter. Police have reported disturbances across the country as...

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