Police call time on sex pests
Paedophile sex pests across England and Wales are to be fitted with bells, in a new scheme announced by the police today.
The new devices...
Forensics Team called after Amber Rudd murders her career
Home Secretary Amber Rudd sounded like your mate's racist pissed wife at a children's Christmas party during her speech yesterday.
West Midlands Police have said...
Beautiful young women on trial to be judged by ugly middle aged women in...
A new selection process has been announced for assigning judges to trials, taking into account both gender and aesthetics. This move will see all...
Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office
Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the...
Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested
A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.
Head of the Mafia innocent of being in Mafia says jury of Mafia members
The head of the Mafia, 4 Tony's Tony is definitely not part of the Mafia after a jury made up of members of the...
Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime
A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...
EDL firebombs PC World in Rochdale town centre
The computer superstore PC World, this morning lies in tatters as a pile of smouldering rubble following a devastating attack last night.
The trouble began...
Isis Claims Responsibility for Education Fair Funding Formula Terror
In a shock announcement this morning, that surprised no one, a spokes-stool for Isis (other names are available) claimed credit for the proposed funding...
Obviously McCanns done it, case closed by bloke down the pub
After ten years everybody and their dog is still absolutely convinced that they know exactly what happened in the Maddie McCann tragedy in Portugal.
“It’s...
Man beaten white and gold by the Police
We at the Rochdale Herald really liked this headline but couldn't think of a way of making even slightly believable.
What follows is some made...
Man kills woman
A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman
This article...
Julian Assange plans quiet Christmas at home
Julian Assange has confirmed that he will be having a quiet Christmas at home this year.
In a telephone call Mr Assange told us,...
Unmasked – The Real Jack the Ripper
The question of the identity of the serial killer known as ‘The Whitechapel Murderer’, ‘Leather Apron’ or, most famously Jack the Ripper has been...
America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...
Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire.
Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from...
Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK
A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit.
Speaking from beside his swimming pool at...
