Rochdale Town Centre, and a man dressed as Batman who has been spotted in the locale chasing a man dressed as a Killer Clown has reportedly been captured by a man dressed as his arch nemesis, evil genius The Penguin and his motley band of henchmen.  

The dramatic scene was witnessed by several onlookers this afternoon adjacent to the Rochdale Exchange shopping centre in Newgate; accompanied by an uptempo orchestral soundtrack emphasising the various blows that took place were brightly coloured onomatopoeic visual descriptions of the various sounds ensuing, including words like ‘Sokkk’, ‘Bifff’, ‘Twatttt’ and ‘Powww’.

Batman is said to have been secured loosely with a flimsy looking rope prior to being bundled into The Penguin’s duck shaped car and taken to a warehouse in the nearby Heywood area. Batman is expected to escape some time this evening before thwarting The Penguin’s nefarious plot to steal that statue of Gracie fields or something.

Complete and utter clown

Rochdale’s Chief of Police, Commissioner Gordon, was as of this lunchtime unavailable for comment. The clown, a Mr Simon Danczuk, is believed to be still at large, although sources speculate that he may have been baked off his gourd on weed and ecstasy at the time and just imagined the whole thing.