Rochdale man Steve Dickinson (38 and a half) has been convicted to 15 years in prison after being found guilty of leaving his teabag in the sink.

Mr Dickinson made a cup of tea on Thursday afternoon and did not immediately dispose of the offending teabag in the flip top bin in the kitchen, which is right next to the kettle by the way, but simply threw the teabag in the sink.

The authorities were called on Friday morning when Barbara Dickinson (39 and a quarter) discovered the teabag in the sink.

A forensic scientist who was present at the crime scene over the weekend revealed some of the more disturbing details surrounding the case.

“The teabag was definitely discarded in the sink on Thursday afternoon, given the low moisture content of the bag we can say with some degree of certainty that the crime was committed between twelve and fourteen hours before we were on first on site.”

“This is a disturbing case. Further examination of the surrounding area suggests that milk was poured into the mug prior to removing the teabag. We found evidence of milky tea stains not only directly underneath the teabag carcass in the sink but there were trails of beverage fluids on work surfaces, the floor and an abandoned teaspoon.”

“Given the number of teaspoons in the sink we are absolutely confident that this isn’t the first time he’s done this. The man is a monster and the best place for him is behind bars.”

A spokesman for Greater Manchester Police have assured the public that there is little possibility that Mr Dickinson will be given access to a kettle in prison.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.